Rita: Is that a magic trick? I love magic.
Gob: I don't appreciate the dry British humor.
Rita: [begs] Please do a magic trick for me.
Gob: Well, I shouldn't. I'd hate to be blamed for setting another one of Michael's brides on fire!
Rita: Oh, lighter fluid, like Uncle Trevor uses! But wherever did it come from?
Gob: Okay, I've got to get you into an illusion at the wedding. How long can you hold your breath?
Rita: Oh, long. One time, 20 minutes.
Narrator: Actually, her record was 20 seconds.
Gob: You can stop it. Okay. I'll take your word for it. Now, I just need to find a trick that puts you out of oxygen for 20 minutes.

Narrator: And Rita packed for her sleepover.
Trevor: Do you have any idea what a "sleepover" is? Cause it's not just sleep.
Rita: I know what it is, Trevor, I've seen your secret magazine. I want to have grown-up fun. Spoon and figgy pudding. Rabbit downdum druggary's hollow. And I want to have pop-pop.
Trevor: Well, the very fact that you call it that, tells me you're not ready.

George Sr.: [wakes up] [on the phone] Hey, put Rita on.
Narrator: And that's when Michael finally accepted that Rita wasn't coming. And that local calls were $2.95 a minute.
Michael: Come on!
Narrator: That's where they get you.

Trevor: All right, where the hell is Rita? I'm her uncle.
Lucille: Let the hand-outs begin!
Trevor: There's not gonna be any hand-outs, and she is not gonna marry your son.
George Sr.: You're against this marriage, too?
Trevor: Well, of course I am. Rita's not capable of making a decision like that. You are not gonna get Rita's millions just because she's mentally challenged.
George Sr.: Millions?
Lucille: Millions?
Buster: Mentally challenged?
Lucille: Shh! It's not polite.

Trevor: I got to put a stop to this. We're gonna search every bloody hotel in town.
Lucille: Oh, Legoland. I think they said they were going to Legoland.
George Sr.: They did say Legoland.
Buster: I didn't hear anything about Legoland.
Lucille: [scoffs] He doesn't know what's talking about. [whispers] We think he may be mentally challenged.
Buster: What?

Michael: George Michael. I did not know that you were... Um, go ahead and talk out here. We just got back from the bumpaddle courts. Tomorrow, I'm teaching her baseball.

George Michael: It's the plastic fruit, Dad.
Michael: It's very convincing fruit, okay? Is she going back in for another? Well, you know, they don't even have bananas in England, okay, son?

Michael: Maybe we ought to just talk a little bit, you know? I mean, what the heck. For instance, you've never told me how many houses there are in the British Parliament.
Rita: Seven.
Michael: Are there?
Narrator: The answer is three.
Michael: Does sound about right.
Narrator: Three is the correct answer.

Michael: Hey, Mom, what-what's going on? I thought that you guys were against all this.
Lucille: Well, we figured you know best, and who are we to interfere, and you love this girl, and the rest will just be little happy surprises along the way. Like you said.
Larry: Yeah. With the exception of the retard thing.
George Sr.: Oh, God.
Larry: Tell me you didn't just say that.
Michael: You knew? You knew, and yet, you still wanted me to go through with this?
Lucille: What can I say? I'm crazy about the little dullard.
Michael: Oh, my God. She's rich. This is a new low, even for you, Mom.

Michael: So, you were right Now what am I gonna do?
George Michael: Well, I've been thinking. You know, I mean, every society has their own rules about this stuff. For instance, in some states, it's legal to marry your own cousin. California's blocked it twice, but that's only because they tacked it onto an estate law thing that wasn't gonna pass. We had the signatures...
Michael: You're 16, and you know all that. She's 30 and a half. She probably can't list the seven Houses of Parliament.
George Michael: There's three.