George Sr.: [on the phone] Well, God help her if she tries to rename Bluthton. I'll sink it first. I swear, I'll sink the whole damn thing.

George Sr.: We have got 24 hours to get them married before Michael figures out what she really is.
Lucille: This the first time in two years you've sounded like George Bluth.

Narrator: Later that night, Michael was at the hotel with his bride to be.
Michael: Rita, I've been really looking forward to this.
Rita: Me, too. I want to have sexual relations.
Michael: The mere fact that you call it that tells me that you are ready.

Michael: Yeah, you know, I-I was just gonna talk to Rita about all of this. Rita, I think that we should, um, wait a little while.
Rita: Wait? Why? I don't want to wait. I want to get married and have sexual relations like you promised.
Lucille: Where did you get this firecracker? I love her, Michael.
Larry: So do I. I want to kiss my new daughter-in-law.
George Sr.: [into headset] Hey, not on our time, Larry.
Larry: Right on the lips.
Michael: No, no, Dad, please take it easy.

Lucille: What is wrong with you?!
Larry: Larry, go to a mirror!
George Sr.: You're fired.
Larry: You're fired. What?! It's over. And this is how you tell me, in the middle of a wedding? You shouldn't have said anything.

Narrator: Michael was sharing some very important news with his parents.
Michael: I am getting married.
George Sr.: Who the hell to?
Michael: Who do you think? Rita.
Lucille: Her?
George Sr.: Why?
Michael: Well, first of all, she needs a green card to stay in the country.
Lucille: There it is.
Michael: She needs a green card to stay in the country, because, secondly we're really crazy about each other.

Narrator: She was special.
Rita: Are houses terribly hard to make?
Michael: Actually, the hardest part is finding the land.
Narrator: But she wasn't smart.
Rebel: Instead of making houses, maybe you should make land.
Narrator: For Rita had only mentally progressed...
Rita: On the ocean.
Narrator: to the level of a first grader.
Rita: There's no land on the ocean.
Narrator: Michael might have noticed her disability if it had not been masked by her English accent.
Michael: You're brilliant.
Narrator: Yeah... she wasn't.

George Sr.: Do you think getting married will solve your sex problem?
Michael: No. And we don't have a problem. We just haven't had the right opportunity yet.
Buster: Lindsay said Rita slept over last night.
Michael: Yes. But I gave her the bedroom because I didn't want her to feel pressured.
[flashback:]
Narrator: Actually, it was Michael who felt a little pressured.
Rita: And I like to keep the light on. That way I can see if you have a monster. Night-night. Can you shut the door on your way out?

Michael: Hey, hello. Well, look at you two, Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum.
Narrator: Michael didn't mean it in that way. How could he, he didn't even know.

Narrator: Michael took Lindsay aside to share his concerns.
Michael: So, Lindsay, when did you first realize that you and Tobias had no chance at a physical relationship?
Lindsay: Oh, my God, do you think we have no chance at a physical relationship?
Michael: So just now.