Tobias: Oh, Maeby, great news. I got my hands on some money. I can't say how or when or where my wedding ring is but, my purse overfloweth as do my high spirits... so a-shopping we must go.
Maeby: Dad, we already went. That's why we're wearing all this leather. I'm really into leather. Tell Mom.
Tobias: Yes.
George Michael: If you ever need to borrow any money or anything-
Tobias: No. Thank you, no.

Lindsay: You're a horrible brother, Michael.
Michael: [slides back on leather chair] Pretty good, huh?
Lindsay: You're gonna put Marta onstage with the legs?
Michael: It's gonna blow up. Legs get upset. Marta gets upset. Marta leaves Gob, and I don't get shot.
Lindsay: You'll never be able to pull the trigger on this. You can't escape it, Michael. You're the good guy.
Michael: Call me what you want.
Lindsay: An impotent man-boy?
Michael: But it is done. The plan is in motion.
Lindsay: This just isn't you.
Michael: It's me now. It's the me that can recline. [hits head]
Lindsay: Did that hurt?
Michael: No.

Narrator: As Michael was becoming more selfish his father was choosing a more pious path. Which made Buster and Lucille's visit go much differently than planned.
Lucille: Why is there a piece of shoe on your head?
George Sr.: This is a... Well, it's a reminder that the divine presence is always above me.
Lucille: Well, more importantly, Buster's been humping the widow Austero.
Buster: Mom.
George Sr.: Is that true?
Buster: No. We're taking it slow.
Lucille: He stays there sometimes until 7:00, 8:00 at night. Peanut brittle on his breath. Is she the one who's going to take him to the dentist?
Buster: She already has. [Lucille gasps]

Narrator: In fact, Tobias had intended to come but had a slight miscommunication with his cabdriver.
Cab Driver: [Australian accent] Where to, mate?
Tobias: The Gothic Castle.
Cab Driver: Gothic Asshole?
Tobias: That's what I said.
Narrator: And ended up in the wrong location.
Tobias: Oh, I am glad I didn't go with that outfit. Yes, hello. I am looking for the magic. Danke schon.

Lucille: Having a good time with my son?
Lucille Austero: Actually, we're having a wonderful time.
Lucille: You know, he's damaged goods. He was born with a hole in his heart.
Lucille Austero: Now listen to me, Lucille. I'm gonna fill that hole, 'cause we're in love.
Lucille: Oh, please. You're no more in love with him than I am.
Buster: Okay. We're all saying some things we're going to regret.

Michael: Hey, George Michael. Where's the leather jacket?
George Michael: It's like you said you can't change who you are. So what? So I don't have any hair on my arms or legs. So what? You know, a leather jacket's not gonna change that. You know, I was trying to act like a tough guy, and it's wrong. I'm just a boring, old nice guy like you.
Michael: I'm not that nice.
George Michael: Dad, if this is about the chair I've been thinking. You deserve it. You know, it's not like you'd ever steal something big.

Narrator: So, the trick went forward as planned.
Gob: And now, my, hopefully, lovely assistant will join me. Wiggle those sexy gams, lady.
George Michael: [o.s.] I'm okay with myself. I'm okay with myself.

Lucille: Hello, Buster.
Buster: If you're still mad, I don't care. I'm in love.
Lucille: I actually came to ask Lucille something.
Lucille Austero: What?
Lucille: I was wondering if you'd like to play bridge with me next week?
Lucille Austero: I'd absolutely adore it. Oh, Lucille. Oh, God. Look at us, Buster. We're back together again. Lucille and Lucille.
Buster: You guys are friends again. You can play bridge together. [squeals] Could you just- just separate? [whimpers]