Narrator: Gob, desperate to push his feelings back into the closet, decided conversion therapy was the only answer. Although, it's worth noting he didn't do a lot of research.
Salesman #1: Plus, it's great for your resale value. How's your resale value now?
Narrator: Gob didn't want to let on that he didn't know what "resale value" was gay slang for.
Gob: I've never had any complaints.
Salesman #2: Well, let's talk about you. The more we know about you, the happier you're gonna be with your results.
Gob: I love Tony Wonder. I guess you want the details. Anyway, it's...
Narrator: Gob told the closet salesmen all about his night with Tony, and how devastated he was by being ghosted.
Salesman #1: You know, I think we should put him in the Catalina cedar walk-in with the pocket doors and the floor lighting.
Narrator: And that's when Gob realized his mistake. But keep in mind, we edited, like, an hour out of this.
Gob: What are the confidentiality laws concerning people who walk into a closet store?

Barry: [on the phone] Michael, I'm calling you, I've got new info. It can be whatever you want to say, I'm saying.
Michael: I understand, so you are saying...
Barry: I'm not saying anything. I didn't think I had to.
Michael: I see. What does that mean, "discovered"?
Barry: Oh, they're listening, right? If they're listening, just say "dogshit."
Michael: Mm. What you said, I would repeat, but the family is here, and I want to make sure that- that I don't get it wrong.
Barry: Get it wrong? Say "dogshit."
Michael: Apparently, they know where the stair car is, and they might even know where Lucille 2 is, which means they will talk to her, and we'll get all this sorted out. Did I get that right?
Barry: Well, with two heads in it. One spiky one and one bald one.
Michael: No, that's plenty. Thank you. Good job, Barry.
Barry: Know what's funny? In the 30 years that I've represented this family, that is the first time anyone has said "good j--" -[phone beeps]

George Michael: I was glad to come out because I have some good news. Um, do you still need that 50 grand for Buster's bail? Because I can get that from the business.
Michael: No. No, no, no, no. I told you I'm not gonna be taking your money. And it's 75 grand that I'm not gonna be taking because the bail went up. Buster tried to strangle a, uh... Well, he technically did strangle a skinhead.
George Michael: Very cool.
Michael: Yeah, I guess, in a way.

Lucille: I knew it. The DA has a picture of the stair car? Like Lucille 2 would be stupid enough to disappear in a truck with her name on it? What kind of lie is that?
Barry: I totally agree with you. A good lie is head in a box, but they wanted to go with something real, so we went with the evidence they actually had.
Lucille: This is real?
Barry: Yeah, and he doesn't want to use the best part, the two heads. One spiky, one bald.
Lucille: Lucille 2 and Oscar. That idiot. I told him to keep her out of sight.
Barry: Speaking of out of sight, do you know where your husband is with that Winnebago? Because since I got out of prison, George is letting me stay there, without him knowing it.

George Michael: [on the phone] And he probably made plans to see her this time in Mexico when I said my relationship was slowing down.
Maeby: You know, it's hard to believe because my niece always told me never to give away my Social Security number, but if it really is a free trip to Aruba-
Peg: Oh, you have to go, Buttons.
Maeby: Sign me up! Sorry, Peg's walking by.
George Michael: No, you have to.

Michael: [on the phone] I thought I'd give you a call, see how the drive north is going.
George Sr.: Oh, it's fine. I took Highway 5, so there's, you know, no view, but there's no traffic.
Michael: What's the bell?
George Sr.: Oh, there's this Salvation Army Santa Claus guy who's just going from car to car here.
Man: Ice cream?
George Sr.: Stop screaming and get off the highway! Oh, there's an Andersen's Pea Soup, so I think I'm gonna buy him soup.
Michael: That's George Michael. I gotta go. I hope that I'm half the father to him that you are to me.
George Sr.: You're embarrassing me. Thank you.
Michael: You should be.

George Michael: [on the phone] Hey, where are you?
Michael: I'm approaching, uh, Andersen's Pea Soup.
George Michael: Oh, that's north. You said you were going northeast.
Michael: [stammers] Well, I'm headed north, then I'm headed east. Otherwise you don't pass the Andersen's P.
S.
George Michael: Oh, right.
Narrator: Michael felt doubly guilty for not just telling a lie, but stealing one.
George Michael: Hey, what's that bell, Dad?
Michael: That's, uh, we got a Danish girl ringing a bell in front of, uh, A's Pea Soup.
Man: Ice cream? Ice cream?
George Michael: What's that about ice cream?
Michael: No, thank you. Uh, nein, danke. Big boy, I gotta go.

Tobias: Well, uh, could we wait here until she gets back?
Ma Bark: Normally, I would say no, but the ostriches have been making a hell of a mess this past year. How's your gag reflex?
Tobias: Well, if you mean is my son anything like his father, well, he's never had any complaints.

George Sr.: Oh, my Viagra. See, and this used to work.
Michael: Since when is Viagra pink?
George Sr.: Your mom says that the Medicare only does the generic.
Michael: You know, this is estrogen.
George Sr.: Really?
Michael: How long you been taking that?
George Sr.: Uh, two years.
Michael: Two years. Isn't that about the time that Mom was in jail and started, uh...
George Sr.: Forwarding my mail.
Michael: Yeah. Why do you think she did that?
George Sr.: Maybe she figured that if she was gonna do hard time, I should do...
Michael: Soft time.

George Michael: I'm not gonna see her for the next few days, 'cause she's going to Mexico for reshoots.
Michael: Reshoots? Oof. She must not be a very good actress, huh? [chuckles] Hope she gets it right this time.
George Michael: Well, she's not perfect, but, uh, it doesn't turn my stomach to see her eat an ice cream cone. Speaking of that, how are things with Stan? Did he finish that ice cream cone after I looked away?