Maeby: I can't believe you didn't recognize me.
George Michael: We never see you. We never see anybody in our family.
Maeby: I know. It's our parents' faults. We should teach them a lesson.
George Michael: [laughs] Yeah. No, I don't think so.
Maeby: I should go to my mom tonight and be like, "I met the cutest guy." And then she'll see you and me totally making out.
George Michael: [laughs] But... But not really, right?
Maeby: It's perfect. She'd freak out and I'd be like, "If we saw each other more often, this wouldn't happen."
George Michael: But we're cousins.
Maeby: That's what makes it funny.
George Michael: But isn't it against the law?
Maeby: Come on, George Michael.

Maeby: Can you believe this? They're still fighting.
George Michael: Yeah, I know. I'm tempted to kiss again so we could teach 'em a lesson.
Maeby: Why would that teach them a lesson?
George Michael: No, I mean, uh, to freak them out.
Maeby: That doesn't make any sense.
George Michael: Isn't that what makes it funny? [laughs] I'm laughing. Go fish... Uno... Okay. I just need a drink. [drinks]

Michael: Mom! Mother! Give me your company checkbook. You're cut off.
Lucille: Michael, look. Look what happened to my fox. Someone cut off his little foot. Is it- Is it noticeable?
Michael: Well, you've gotta remember you're gonna be all splattered in red paint. That's gonna distract the eye.

Michael: I don't want you charging any more of your personal expenses to the company.
Lucille: Well, I had to pay for the Aztec Tomb. Gob says it's a career maker.
Michael: Wait a minute. The company paid for the Aztec Tomb? That's great. Well, I was talking about Lindsay, okay? You put her in a five-star hotel, on top of which you didn't tell me she was in town.
Lucille: If you're saying I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all my children equally.
[earlier that day:]
Lucille: I don't care for Gob.

Michael: So I'm disappointed in you. But come on. What is not disappointing about my life? Dad didn't give me the promotion. Dad's in jail. How disappointing is that?
Lindsay: So we're a disappointing family.
Michael: We're an incredibly disappointing family. But we are a family, and I want my son to be happy. So maybe we should be in each other's lives.
Lindsay: I'd like that.
Michael: Yeah? [Lindsay tries to cry] Seriously, you're gonna pull a muscle.
Lindsay: I used to be able to do this.

Michael: Dad was always banker, so there was no beating him.
Buster: Totally.
George Michael: He should've been stocking up on those "get out of jail free" cards.
Gob: Good one, George Michael!

Michael: So, this is the magic trick, huh?
Gob: Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money. [sees children] Or candy.
Narrator: Gob recently started the Alliance of Magicians an organization that blackballs any performer who reveals a magician's secret.

Narrator: Thanks to the family's largesse, Buster has studied everything from Native American tribal ceremonies to cartography, the mapping of uncharted territories.
Michael: Hasn't everything already sort of been discovered, though by, like, Magellan and Cortez?
Buster: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Michael: All those folks.
Buster: Those guys did a pretty good job but there's still, you know...
Narrator: He also suffers from crippling panic attacks.

Michael: Do you have your check for your share of the party?
Gob: You know, I sort of thought my contribution could be a magic show.
Michael: Oh, that's perfect, Gob.
Gob: Thank you.
Michael: Oh, wait a minute, I just remembered something. Dad's retiring, not turning six.

Lindsay: Believe it or not we brought in over $40,000.
Michael: Unbelievable. Sounds like you saved enough skin to make 10 new boys.
Tobias: Well, most of that money was from the Bluth Company. [Lucille clears her throat] I mean, how are you?
Michael: Still good. You know what? You guys have had your hands in the company coffer for years. But starting tomorrow, there is going to be a new boss in town and you're all gonna have to start fending for yourselves. You're all gonna finally feel that sweet sting of sweat in your eyes. [Buster plays traditional drum] As... Buster! You can't do that on the balcony, buddy?
Buster: Mom says it's too windy.