Buster: So, you're, uh you're not with Marta anymore?
Gob: Well, my plan is to get her wanting me but bad, and then I spring it on her. "I know you've been cheating on me, and you just cost yourself one fine man. And one fine CD of him singing 'Love is in the Air'."

Narrator: George Michael, having failed to get the information he needed from anyone else made the ultimate sacrifice and went to the keeper of the family secrets.
George Michael: So, uh, it's about Maeby.
Lucille: Oh! That's a lost cause. But you get what you pay for, huh?
George Michael: Yeah. Wait. What- What do you mean, "pay"?
Lucille: Fertility tests, lab fees, donors and implants. She's not real. She was made in a cup. Like soup. A hundred and thirty thousand dollar cup of soup. How do you like them egg rolls, Mr. Goldstone? All I know is it took an extra year before we could add a den.
George Michael: So are you saying we're not directly related?
Lucille: I'm saying she already spent her inheritance getting here.

Narrator: Meanwhile, Tobias told Lindsay that he couldn't do the part.
Tobias: It plays naked, okay?
Lindsay: Tobias, we're gonna have to deal with this sometime. I mean, I understand you not wanting to do it on film but you can't even get undressed in front of me.
Tobias: It is not you, Lindsay. I can't get undressed alone. I can't get undressed by myself. I mean, this is a real affliction. I'm sorry it's not recognized here in the states. But I know for a fact that there are two members of German Parliament. They're called "nein wohlstandig" nude. But they're German, so... They speak German, so they have a different...

Barry: I'm sorry, sorry. I'm so late. I had another hearing. Here's the good news, I think I'm gonna get off, huh? I have a good lawyer. You look great in red. Okay. "Anyhoo," what are we doing here? What's the plan?
Lucille: The plan? You're our lawyer.
Barry: It's a figure of speech. You're gonna be fine.

Barry: Look, there is nothing to it. It's an arraignment. They announce the charges. However, it would help if you all showed up looking like a loving, supportive family.
Lucille: For how long?
Barry: Ten minutes, tops.
Lucille: See if you can get it down to five.
George Sr.: You know, maybe I should confess these crimes, save everybody the trouble.
Lucille: Oh, get off the mount. You're coming home, guilty or somehow found not guilty.

Gob: [on the phone] I'm waiting to hear about Marta and this Hermano guy.
Michael: Yeah, I checked it out. I do not think that she's cheating.
Gob: I'm going over to Marta's.
Michael: No, no, no. Don't do that, okay? Just lay low, be cool and I'll talk to her again. That way you won't look so desperate, you know?
Gob: You're a good guy, mon frere. That means "brother" in French. I don't know why I know that. I took four years of Spanish.

Narrator: Michael Bluth was infatuated with his brother's girlfriend, Marta, a Spanish-language soap opera star. But when he found out she was interested in a man named Hermano, he confronted her. Unfortunately, he discovered too late that "hermano" in Spanish meant "brother," and the person Marta was infatuated with was, in fact, himself.

Narrator: And Maeby was getting tired of her parents'constant fighting.
Lindsay: I'm saying every time something starts to go well for you, you blow it.
Tobias: Nothing has ever gone well for me, and you know that!
Lindsay: That's my point, you... [sees Maeby] handsome cowboy, you.
Tobias: Oh, great. And now you're mocking me, you selfish, coun... try-music-loving lady. Hello, Maeby.
Maeby: Nice cover. Why don't you two just get a divorce and save us all a lot of grief?

George Michael: Uncle Gob. Hey, uh, was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant?
Gob: Oh, yeah. Dozens of times.

Michael: Listen, Gob, you can't just ignore her. Maybe you should talk to her. She is your girlfriend.
Gob: Exactly. And I want to keep it that way. For all I know, she's calling to break up with me. I don't answer the phone, that doesn't happen. And it's all because of you, fratello. That's Italian for brother. Now all I gotta do is find this Hermano guy. I'm gonna kill him.