Jacob: Darn it! I just have the same four cards.
Melissa: Are you frickin' kidding me?
Jacob: Does that mean I get all the chips? [smiles]
Melissa: What was that?
Jacob: What was what?
Melissa: That right there. That... that smirk.
Mr. Johnson: Yeah, he's definitely besmirked.
Melissa: You've played poker before, haven't you? [Jacob smiles] All right, you hustled me.
Jacob: Sorry. Yeah. I'm actually really good at poker. When I did Teachers Without Borders, we had a lot of free time, so we basically would just play cards... and have sex with each other.
Mr. Johnson: What's the name of that organization again?
Melissa: You know what? I'm not even mad. I'm impressed. I mean, I will get revenge on you, and you should look over your shoulder for the rest of your life, but... well done.

Melissa: Is that Gregory?
Jacob: Did he look, like, disheveled?
[aside to camera:]
Gregory: Normally, I do these standing up, but I realized something... Nothing matters. Okay? Why try? I mean, I tried for the principal job, and for what? You know, what was the point? I mean, what's the point of anything, really? Oh, yeah, I loosened my tie, yeah. I mean, why even sit up straight, you know? I like this. It feels better. [grunts] Why do people sit like that?

Ava: [over P.A.] Principal A-A-Ava, son! Another one! Check out this oldie but goodie by my guy Ginuwine! It's called "Pony," y'all! And he ain't talking about a horse! ["Pony" plays over P.A.] Superintendent Collins, you showed.
Superintendent Collins: Just stopping by for a quick tour.
Ava: Well, if you want to waste your time, fine by me. But you know if you got a problem, there's nothing you can do about it.
Superintendent Collins: It's my job to be here.
Ava: Well, I wouldn't want to cheat you out of a tour. [chuckles] I say that 'cause you cheated on your wife.
Superintendent Collins: I got it the first time.
Ava: Let me put on some Toni Braxton. You'll like this one. It's called... [echoing] "Love Shoulda Brought You Home"!

Janine: Uh, [clears throat] what's the problem?
Ava: This royalty-free music is wack, and these moves are tired. Where'd you get this routine from? Barney?
Janine: The Big Book of Step.
Ava: I'm gonna assume that's Barney. How did you manage to make stepping dorky? Somebody put on some good music.
Girl: Like Cardi?
Ava: Great minds. Let's move this to the floor. We gonna need some room.
[aside to camera:]
Janine: So, this is becoming like the crocodile-parakeet video. She's the crocodile.

Janine: [aside to camera] I get that Ava hasn't historically been the most reliable, but she seems really excited about this, and I think we're gonna make a great team. Step's all about the fundamentals. She's the "fun," and I'm "damentals." Doesn't sound right.

Barbara: Well, I don't know about sexy, but my favorite day of the week is Sunday. The good Lord's day.
Mr. Johnson: My favorite day is Tuesday.
Jacob: Fascinating. Why?
Mr. Johnson: Because it's trash day.
Jacob: Yeah, mm-hmm. That checks out.

Ava: [beatboxing] One joystick. [imitates record scratching] Wait, does that mean that you're, like, secretly Mormon?
Janine: No.
Ava: Oh. You should be 'cause you need more men. Can I get it? [laughs] [high-fives Barbara]
Janine: Barbara!
Barbara: I'm sorry, Janine, but that was actually very clever.

Janine: Let's move on. "I once impersonated Jill Scott to get free bottle service at Xfinity Live!" [all look at Ava] You don't even look like Jill Scott.
Ava: To white people in South Philly I do.

Janine: It's a simple, fun game where we write down a little fact about ourselves on these cards, something you think no one else knows. Then the cards are shuffled, and we try to figure out who each secret belongs to. It's so fun.
Melissa: When do we get the chicken?
Janine: When you tell a secret.
Melissa: My cousin turned down the hit on Bobby Kennedy.
Janine: Not that kind of secret, and we write it down.

Janine: Okay, so, I thought we all could play a little game to get to know each other better. [all sigh]
Ava: This text said that you had Danny Wok. That's the only reason I'm here, Dork Dash.