Jacob: Ooh. This seminar sounds awesome. It's called "White Teacher, Black School."
Janine: Uh, yeah, I'm good on that. I already did four years of Black Student, White School. Went to Penn, so...
Jacob: Okay, well, I will go to, uh, WTBS alone.

Melissa: [loudly] I, Melissa Schemmenti of Abbott Elementary, am enjoying connecting with my peers. Including this guy, Derrick, from some other school in Philadelphia.
Barbara: And I, Barbara Howard, have already mentored seven young teachers. Huzzah! [quietly] Let's go.
Melissa: Mm-hmm.

Kristin Marie: You leaving already? Just like your ex-husband?
Melissa: Late? Just like your period after senior prom?
Kristin Marie: Enjoy your weekend.
Melissa: Yeah.
Janine: Oh, hey.
Kristin Marie: Good to see you again, Bilbo. Glad you made it out of The Shire.

Janine: Ahh! New tote alert! [chuckles] This weekend couldn't get any better. It's like I'm at Disneyland, but there's no Wild Mr. Toad to avoid, and I had to bring my own churro. But... Wait, did you know you go to hell on that ride?

Janine: Gregory! Hey! What are you doing here? What happened to your romantic Poconos weekend getaway?
Gregory: Well, I decided this conference was too important to miss, so I'm here.
Janine: Oh! Well, not to "Poco my nose" in your business, but where's Amber?
Gregory: I really don't know.

Janine: I am so sorry about your breakup, but... But, hey, you're amongst friends, um, so let's hit some lectures, right? To keep your mind occupied? Now, you've already missed "Individualized Education Plans," but I can catch you up between "Brain Teaser Lunch" and "Designing a Better Curriculum." And I don't wanna fly too close to the sun here, but if we hustle, we can make it to the creativity seminar. Although we'd have to be creative about it, you know? So... Hey-oh! It's a joke. Unless that sounds like too much, which...
Gregory: No, this is great. It will be good to be busy.
Janine: Right? Yeah, exactly, your favorite way to decompress.

Jacob: Have you listened to her podcast, "White Tears, White Noise: How Uganda Saved White Me"?
Summer: Uh, no.
Jacob: Ooh, you gotta check it out. There's only one season, 40 eps, no guests.
Summer: I'm literally gonna check that out immediately.
Jacob: I'm Jacob, by the way. Your "Ally" McBeal story broke me.
Summer: Thank you. I'm Summer, and I'm literally obsessed with you tip to tail.

Jacob: Well, thank you for the 'vite, but I'm supposed to hang with my Abbott peeps.
Summer: We also brought Cards Against Humanity.
Jacob: Do you have any expansion packs?
Summer: Does the farmer's market have fresh bread? You bet we do.

Janine: Hey, Ava.
Ava: Uh! Where you think you're going, Janet Whack-son? This rope is velvet. [scoffs] What, you think 'cause you got new little boots on, you can come in here?
Janine: Okay, I just thought that...
Ava: Read the sign. VIP. Very Important People who are Principals only. Limited exceptions. Gregory, you may enter.
Janine: Why didn't you just say "Very Important Principals"?
Ava: That's actually a good idea. I'm glad I thought of it. Gregory.

Gregory: I'm gonna go get a "Gin and Phonics." You want one?
Janine: Yes. I'm going to get a "Daiqui-reads."
Ava: I'll take a carafe of "Sex Ed on the Beach." Thanks, Gregory.