Dick: Oh, the airport. I'd love to see the airport. We could make a night of it.
Mary: Well, I'm just going to be there until my plane leaves. Going on a little retreat.
Dick: Retreat? You're going away.
Mary: Just for a week.
Dick: A week?
Mary: Uh-huh.
Dick: Is there a number I can call you if I need you?
Mary: [horn honks] Ooh, gotta go.Bye.
Dick: But-- Dr. Albright! Hey! You forgot your... You forgot your... [squeals] me!

Philip: Most men don't think they have time for pampering, but they're wrong.
Harry: Well, I'm really not like most men.
Philip: I could tell.
Harry: Is it that obvious? Boy, is Dick going to be mad. You know, he keeps telling me that I need to fit in more.
Philip: Who's Dick?
Harry: He's my High Commander.
Philip: Ugh, I was in a relationship like that once. Now, doesn't that feel good? [Harry's leg shakes and he falls off the chair] The first time is always fabulous, isn't it?

Dick: August? Phillip? Aviana? Who are all these people? What kind of a store did you go to?
Sally: They're just friends we made. You should try it.
Dick: Excuse me, just because I've developed a relationship with one woman at the expense of developing a relationship with any other human on this planet does not mean I don't have any friends.
Sally: Name one.
Dick: Well, I've got lots of friends.
Harry: Who?
Dick: Willie, Steve, and... Carpet Giant.

Dick: She must have left her number here somewhere. She keeps everything. She's so anal.
Sally: Will you drop it? We'll just build another Albright. We have the technology. We have the leftover flesh. And I could really use the extra freezer space.
Dick: Are you mad? There's only one Dr. Albright.
Sally: Calm down.
Dick: You don't understand. I need to talk to her right now!
Sally: Pull yourself together, man! [slaps Dick]
Dick: Thank you, Lieutenant. You smell great.

August: You know, Tommy, you really have an old soul. I like it.
Tommy: Oh, you do? Well, um it is really, really old.
August: So, Dick's not your real father, is he?
Tommy: Wh- How'd you know?
August: Well, you seem to have this kind of loyalty to him but no real emotional connection. Tommy? Have I upset you?
Tommy: No, I was just trying to look down your blouse.
August: Oh, God!
Tommy: What? What did I say? What?
August: I don't know how I ever could have expected a 14-year-old boy - and I emphasize "boy" - to be able to separate my body from my mind.
Tommy: Wait, August, they're attached. Wait! Hold on. Wait! Come back! Wait. Stop. Let's talk about my feelings some more. They're really screwed up. [to Dick] You heard me.

Dick: [on the phone] [speaks Thai] ... Mary Albright ... [speaks Thai] [hangs up] Well, she's not at the Bangkok Sheraton.

Tommy: You know, you and I are pathetic. We're superior beings. We're supposed to be here studying the human race, not mooning over a couple of chicks.
Dick: I'm not mooning, I'm obsessing. There's a difference. Now, look around for a travel brochure or itinerary, something.
Tommy: No, Dick, I have to get home. I have to wait by the phone for August not to call.
Dick: All right, you do that. I'm gonna hang around here for a while.
Tommy: Dick? You're not gonna do anything creepy, are you?
Dick: You know me better than that. I'm just going to rifle through her belongings.