Mary: Oh, Nina, I can't believe this is happening to me. Not every anthropologist receives this kind of honor. I worked my entire life for this award.
Nina: I know, the Louis Leakey award.
Mary: To stand in front of a conference of educators and express my thoughts about my work. This is going to be the best weekend of my life. Why are you looking at me that way?
Nina: No reason.
Dick: [enters] Dr. Albright! Dr. Albright! Guess what. You and I are on the same flight. Same row, side by side, strapped in at 38,000 feet. Isn't that great?
Mary: Why are you going to the conference?
Dick: Oh, they're giving me some kind of academic award. You know, they hand these things out like candy mints. Once we get that out of the way, the two of us get to experience the magic that is Chicago.
Mary: Well, once again something wonderful in my life has been turned into a giant crap fest.

Dick: I guess she's just saving up her excitement for the crap fest.
Nina: You just don't get it, do you?
Dick: What do you mean?
Nina: There are people who have stress and people who give stress, and you are a giver.

Tommy: Wow, I've finally found what I was looking for. David Copperfield. It doesn't look boring. He saws himself in half and makes the statue of liberty disappear.

Dick: [on the phone] Yes? It did? Oh, my God. Where? And you're sure? Thank you. [hangs up] Mary.
Mary: Hmm?
Dick: That plane that I got us thrown off of...
Mary: Yes?
Dick: It never reached Chicago.
Mary: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh! [they hug] Oh!
Dick: Yes, the airport was closed, and they were diverted to Gary, Indiana.
Mary: Gary is 20 minutes from Chicago.
Dick: Well, but it's an inconvenience nonetheless. I think someone owes me an apology.

Dick: That was a stress reaction, wasn't it?
Nina: Yes, it was.
Dick: Thank you, Nina. You've opened my eyes. I'm going to make sure that Dr. Albright's weekend is stress-free, hassle-free, and completely without unpleasantness.
Nina: Oh, you're not going?

Harry: I'll help you as soon as I'm done reorganizing this place.
Tommy: Why? What was wrong with it?
Harry: Oh, it was a mess. Everything was just lumped together. You know, all the "A's," all the "B's." 26 unrelated categories. Except for "X" which has its own room.
Tommy: Well, how does it work now?
Harry: Well, things are much simpler now. Look. Good movies. Bad movies. Movies I haven't seen.
Man: Pardon me, where could I find Aliens?
Harry: Nowhere. Not here, that's for sure. Nobody here but us humans. La, la, la, la, la, la, la... Stop looking at me.

Dick: Lieutenant, don't worry. I'm prepared for every eventuality. [packs garden gnome]
Sally: I think you're taking this far too lightly. You've never traveled here before. How do you know what to pack? How will I reach you in Chicago?
Dick: [picks up landline telephone] I'm taking the phone. You know the number.
Sally: Why are you taking refrigerator magnets?
Dick: Chicago, the Windy City? I think it's obvious.
Sally: What do you mean?
Dick: Okay, let's say an urgent message comes in for Dr. Albright, and she's out sightseeing. I lay it on the nightstand because I have no way of securing it to a metallic surface. A gust of wind blows it under the bed, and Mary never discovers her long-lost identical twin, all for want of a magnetic banana.

Mary: Look, it's starting to snow.
Dick: Oh, my God.
Mary: What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a snowflake before?
Dick: Yes, and I prayed I'd never see them again. Turn on the high beams. They fear the light.

Tommy: Here, listen to this. "Charles Dickens' David Copperfield is an extraordinary book about a man who accomplishes many incredible feats involving Claudia Schiffer handcuffed in an underwater tank with sharks."
Harry: That's good.

Tommy: It's freezing out here. Dick, can we go inside now?
Dick: No, we're here to experience everything on this planet, even the uncomfortable parts.
Tommy: I have some very uncomfortable parts.
Harry: Yeah, they said on the news that the dew point is dropping.
Sally: What does that mean?
Harry: I don't know. It just caught my attention 'cause it sounded kind of dirty.