Dick: Pseudofamily.
Tommy: Where have you been?
Dick: I have been in Frank Muller's garage. We bragged, we laughed, we tinkered. He let me touch his stuff. It feels good to be around Frank. It fills an empty space I've been feeling right here. I think it's because we're friends.
Harry: [sings] So no one told you it was gonna be this way. [all clap]

Dick: It seems that some of the subtler principles of electron motion were beyond everyone's grasp. [all groan] Be thankful it's just a grade. In most places, this kind of performance gets you a spanking that still burns when you're blown out the airlock.
Leon: Dr. Solomon, are you at least going to grade us on a curve?
Dick: Of course not. I grade on a transient loop.
Leon: What?
Dick: It's very simple. Your expected score is located here, the parameters of your actual performance are here, here and here, driving the expectation versus performance data into the last three loops, two of which can't be seen because, of course, they're factored only in time.
Caryn: So is my "A" still an "A"?
Dick: Oh, Caryn. No.

Harry: Who is that smoldering beauty with the fiery eyes?
Mrs. Dubcek: Katie Couric.
Harry: Katie Couric. It sounds like something beautiful stuck in your throat.

Dick: Mrs. Dubcek, I need to go next door and become neighborly. What do you know about the Mullers?
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh. They're lovely, very nice. Of course, I shouldn't talk.
Dick: It's true your voice is not one of your best assets, but go ahead.
Mrs. Dubcek: All right. The Mullers have had their ups and downs. I guess her husband had some problems in the bedroom area.
Dick: Which area? The closet?
Mrs. Dubcek: Well, that's what I thought it was at first, too, but it turned out to be a vitamin deficiency.

Dick: Hi there, neighbor. You know anything about cars?
Frank: Is this your car?
Dick: Yeah. I seem to be having some trouble with my spark nuts.
Frank: Well, sometimes with these old ones, you're better just to call the junk man and have it towed away.
Dick: No, I couldn't do that. I love this car. It has a compartment just for gloves.

Sally: I just don't know how to talk to women.
Dick: I'm sure you can find something to say to her.
Harry: You could walk on the beach and discuss itching.
Sally: Oh, how exciting. I am so glad I get to be the woman. Next planet, I get to be something big with horns.

Dick: "Jerry dates a blind girl. Repeat." Jerry dates a blind girl. You know, it gains nothing the second time.

Announcer: [on TV] This has been a rebroadcast of the 11 O'Clock News. We will resume programming at 6:00. [static]
Harry: It's the snow show. Oh, I saw this one last night.

Dick: This shouldn't be all that difficult for you. The interactions of elementary particles are far simpler than the interactions between people. For example, Leon, do you have any friends in this class?
Leon: Uh... Well, sometimes I talk to Caryn.
Dick: Mmm-hmm. So Caryn is your friend?
Leon: Yes.
Caryn: [mouths] No.
Dick: I see.

Tommy: What are you watching now?
Harry: It's the President Clinton Show. He looks good on camera, but his show is incredibly dull.