Dick: I mean football. I thought they canceled that in January.
Harry: Well, guess they brought it back.
Dick: I still don't see the point. I mean, what's it all about?
Sally: Well, from what I understand, they try to kill whoever has the ball.
Dick: Those two guys in the middle seem awfully intimate.
Sally: Yeah, they've been going at it the whole game.
Harry: Yeah, they should just get a room.
Dick: Is there any upside?
Sally: Well, if you make it all the way down to the big poles, you get to dance.
Dick: Dance?
Sally: And if you're really good, you win a trip to some fruit bowl, but only the best dancers make it.

Sally: Listen, um, we're friends, aren't we?
Nina: Yeah, sure.
Sally: Good, 'cause I've decided we're best friends. You got a problem with that?
Nina: Uh, no.
Sally: Thanks, Nina. I finally have a girlfriend. You're my first one.
Nina: Oh, Sally, I am?
Sally: Why? Is that weird?
Nina: Oh, no. No, it's tough making friends with women.
Sally: You're telling me. I can barely stand myself. So, uh, what do you want to do now, girlfriend? You want to go shopping or talk about cramps?
Nina: Shopping.

Dick: I just don't see why you care so much about a team that has no chance of winning. [all groan] Why are you so passionate about a lost cause? Ohio Western's record is 6-1. They're going to win. Why don't you root for them?
Bug: But we go to Pendelton. We're the badgers. The badgers are us. We're us, not them. They're them. We're us with the... Don't you get it?
Dick: No! Why didn't you just go to Western?
Leon: Because we choked on our SATs.

Harry: Hey, guys, guess what. I went to the stadium to see if I could get a job as a vendor for the game.
Dick: Did you get it?
Harry: No. I didn't have enough experience to sell hot dogs. So they hired me as a security guard.

Mary: Come on, don't tell me you're not excited about the homecoming weekend. You know, between the Pendelton Badgers and Ohio Western Mustangs.
Dick: Oh, it's football. Everywhere I turn, it's football, football, big, fat shmutball.
Mary: Well, forgive me, Mr. Intellectual. God forbid you should come down from your ivory tower for four quarters.
Dick: Four quarters? I don't care what you pay me, I'm not going.

Dick: Plus, it's bad enough there was a giant papier-mache rodent blocking my parking spot this morning.
Mary: You mean Pendelton J. Badger.
Dick: What does the "J" stand for?
Nina: Nothing.
Dick: Nothing starts with "N."
Mary: It's just a kooky initial.
Dick: "Q" is kookier. Why isn't it Pendelton Q. Badger?
Mary: I don't know. Why don't you ask him? Anyway, I got us great seats. [Dick groans] Oh, it's not just a sporting event. It's a long-standing tradition, Pendelton versus Ohio Western.
Dick: You know, if you really want to defeat them, the secret is right in front of you. The giant badger. It's a Trojan float. Load our team in. We push it up to their school walls. And they say, "Look. A friendly giant badger. Let's bring it inside." Later, that night, they fall asleep, and whammo! It could work.
Mary: It's not very sportsmanlike.
Dick: Well, I'll admit it doesn't involve any dancing or homoerotic butt-slapping. Although, you never know what goes on inside a giant badger.

Dick: Oh, and I've got news for you. The "J" in Pendelton J. Badger, it's meaningless. [all gasp]
Pitman: Dr. Solomon, you've insulted my intelligence, my religion, and my family, and that's okay. But there's one thing you cannot insult, and that's the badgers because there's something you don't even know about a badger, man. When they dig holes, they do it for a reason. And their teeth, they're really sharp when they're very young. So I'm going to that game, and I don't care if you fail me for it.
Dick: But you're already failing.
Pitman: Okay, as long as we see eye to eye, then.

Tommy: There's something I have to tell you.
August: What is it?
Tommy: I never thought I'd say these words, but I'm in love with another woman.
August: Who is it?
Tommy: It's Mrs. Frost.
August: Mrs. Frost, the glee club teacher?
Tommy: I'm afraid so. It just happened.
August: I understand. You gotta do what you gotta do.
Tommy: S-so, you're not upset or jealous?
August: No, not at all. I hope you two will be very happy together. Oh, there's something I have to tell you, too. I've been seeing Val Kilmer.
Tommy: Really? Oh, I'm glad you've got someone. Whew!

Dick: Okay, everybody! Here, come on, let's try another one. Sine, cosine, cosine, sine! Three-point-one-four- one- five-nine! Now you try it.

Tommy: Mrs. Frost, I'm pretty sure we can work this out.
Mrs. Frost: Tommy, there is no we. There can't be, and I'm not just talking legally.
Tommy: Well, then why did you spend all that time singing to me, luring me like a siren to my destruction?
Mrs. Frost: I'm a singing teacher, Tommy. I sing. I didn't mean to give you the wrong impression. Look, I think you'd be better off with a girl your own age.
Tommy: Yeah. So what's your mother look like?