Mrs. Dubcek: Sally. There's something I have to tell you about your boyfriend. He cooks, he loves the arts, he wears great shoes, and he's single.
Sally: Yeah. What's your point?
Mrs. Dubcek: Sally, marry this man.

Dr. Menard: I have never seen such reprehensible behavior.
Dick: I know. I don't blame you if you have to expel Tommy.
Dr. Menard: Dr. Solomon, we still consider Tommy Pickney material. It is you who are banned from the Pickney.
Dick: I'm banned? Well, guess what. Tommy didn't even want to come to this robot factory outlet. I made him. Me, me, me! And now I'm putting him back in a real school where he can be himself, the kind of school where kids aren't judged on how well they test or how much they know, where they aren't judged at all, where they have the freedom to stay faceless and nameless from K through 12, carrying their diplomas straight through the Golden Arches and on into their waiting McJobs! Come on, Tommy. We're going home.

Dick: What is it about the father-son relationship that makes communication so difficult? Is it the father using his son to make good on his unfulfilled dreams? Or is it the son defining himself by rejecting his father?
Sally: It's neither. It's both. It's men.
Dick: And how did you acquire this new expertise?
Tommy: Oh, yeah. What happened with Glenn?
Sally: Well, remember when we said that two sexes must be so limiting? I think Glenn found a loophole.

Mary: Dick, did you see this article about Tommy in the paper?
Dick: Tommy, my son, the child genius?
Mary: Yes, that Tommy.
Dick: "Finest to compete in Pickney's Knowledge Bowl. Smartest kid expected to win. ..." Ah, here it is. "Tommy's father, Dr. Dick Solomon, physics professor at nearby Pendelton University, reminds people that genius is 1% perspiration and 99% brilliant father." You don't think I overstated my influence, do you?
Mary: No.

Tommy: Oh, uh, Dick, I got to get new sneakers. My toes are bursting out of these things.
Dick: I just bought you those three months ago. You know you're a freak, don't you?
Tommy: Leave me alone. I'm growing.
Dick: If it were just the growing, but for every inch you sprout, you become that much more insolent and do that much worse in school.
Tommy: So what?
Dick: You're going to become the world's tallest idiot.
Tommy: Why are you on my case?
Dick: I just can't stomach another of those interminable parent-teacher conferences.
Tommy: Look, I did not ask to be the teenager, okay? You made me.

Sally: "Lone Star Drilling Company." I bet they have change.
Harry: Yeah. Oil men are rich.
[Sally and Harry walk into the building and find a bar]
Drag Queen: Well, check you out. You look just like a real woman.
Sally: Thanks. That's what I was going for. You know, I still can't get used to those mood swings.
Drag Queen: Way to commit, girl. [laughs]

Sally: Could you change a dollar?
Glenn: For you I could change anything. You know, I don't see a lot of men as good-looking as you.
Sally: Well, I don't see a lot of men as good-looking as you.
Glenn: Well, we're fabulous, aren't we?
Sally: Oh, yeah.

Candace: Well, I have some news. Maybe you'd better sit down. [Dick sighs] Tommy scored higher on the national merit quiz than anyone in Ohio's history.
Dick: It's not my fault!
Candace: Oh, that's a good thing. No, that's a good thing. You should be proud. You've raised a very bright boy.
Dick: I'm sorry. Could you repeat that?
Candace: You've raised a very bright boy?
Dick: No one's ever said that to me before. Say it again.
Candace: Well, actually, I wanted-
Dick: No, just say it! I love that - the bright boy part. Say it!
Candace: Bright boy. In fact, he's done so well, I think he should transfer to the Pickney Country Day School for the gifted.
Dick: Because I raised a gifted son?
Candace: Yes! Look at what you've already given him. The stimulation, the nurturing, and not to mention the genes he inherited.
Dick: You're right. I do give a lot as a father.

Dick: Tommy! Great news. I'm sending you to the Pickney school where our accomplishments will be recognized.
Tommy: What?! No, I don't want to go. I'll have to leave all my friends.
Dick: Stop thinking of yourself. Think of me and how proud I'll be.

Tommy: What is Dick's problem? I don't want to go to the Pickney school.
August: Of course you don't. Your father's a professor. By rejecting education, you're rejecting him. Rejection's the most powerful weapon there is.
Tommy: [scoffs] Well, maybe on Earth. I know this is going to be miserable. I already hate it there. You know, all those brainy girls are going to be ugly.
August: Are you saying that intelligent girls are, by definition, unattractive?
Tommy: Yeah, most of them are. Oh, w- Well, not all of them are. I mean- In fact, on the graph of smart girls and the graph of pretty ones, you're the sole intersection, the single point of perfection in an infinity of stupid and homely.
August: Wow. You are gifted.