Dick: This is obviously a waste of time. Go do something with one of your girlfriends. That's an order.
Sally: Fine! Wait a minute. I don't have any girlfriends.
Harry: You and me, sister. You and me.

Mary: They are so good.
Dick: They ought to be. They've been playing the same damn song for the past six hours. They're a marching band. Why don't they march? [closes the window] Preferably into the ocean.

Dick: And, for Monday, I want you to read and outline chapters 8 through 24.
Leon: What?
Dick: Except for chapter 12, which you will refute in a 10-page treatise with illustrations. [all groan]
Leon: Oh, come on.
Caryn: Dr. Solomon, it's homecoming weekend.
Leon: Yeah, the big game.
Dick: Oh, yes, I forgot. God forbid that your intellectual development should get in the way of "the big game". What could be more important than "the big game"? The fate of mankind rests on the outcome of "the big game".
Bug: Is he being sarcastic?

Nina: So, this is where you live.
Dick: Oh, Nina, I'm glad you're here. Get me some coffee.
Nina: We're not at the office. I'm here with Sally.
Sally: Yeah, that's right. She's my friend, my best friend. If she's going to get anybody coffee, it's going to be me.
Dick: We'll see about that. Nina, who are you going to get coffee for? Sally or me?
Nina: Okay, I have to go home and feed my cat.
Dick: I didn't know you had a cat.
Nina: I'm going to go buy one.
Sally: I'll call you in 10 minutes.
Nina: Okay.

Dick: You know, according to the Daily Badgerian, over 45,000 alumni will return to Pendelton for the homecoming game. You'd think that after four years they'd want to put the experience behind them.
Sally: All I know is, my friend Nina and I are going together. We bought new outfits.
Dick: Yeah, I think I'm going to go, too.
Sally: Really?
Dick: It's not that I'm being sucked in. It's purely scientific. And who knows? Pendelton might win. That would be "da bomb". [off Sally's look] You heard me. Da bomb!

Tommy: Dick, can I talk to you for a second?
Dick: What is it?
Tommy: Well, I met this woman that I really like, and I think she likes me, but she's a little older. 31.
Dick: Tommy, do you really think a woman of that age would be interested in you?
Tommy: Sure.
Dick: Wow! Good job. What's your first move?
Tommy: I don't know. I want to take her someplace special, but-
Sally: Excuse me. What about August?
Tommy: Oh, she'll understand. She's a good kid.
Sally: You know, there's a word for what you're doing here.
Dick: Oh, right. It's called trading up.

Sally: Hey, buy us a couple of beers?
Man #1: Sure.
Man #2: You girls going to the big game?
Sally: We don't want to talk to you. We're just broke.

Dick: This is so strange. I feel this gnawing in my stomach.
Mary: I told you, this is not the place for Oysters Rockefeller.

Dick: Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
Mary: What? What?
Dick: The Western team bus is just pulling up!
[Dick bends down in front of a window and lowers his trousers]
Mary: Oh, my God.
Dick: This glass is cold.

Harry: Well, hello, Mrs. Sumner. How's the Dean?
Mrs. Sumner: He's fine, thank you.
Harry: Excellent. I'm afraid I'm going to have to look in that bag.
Mrs. Sumner: What?
Harry: Uh-huh. Ooh, binoculars, huh? And exactly who is it that you were planning on looking at? Around here we got a little thing called right to privacy. Okay, spread 'em, lady. There you go. [over radio] This is Solomon. I need a canine unit.