Tommy: Uh, Sally, they want you to be on Good Afternoon, Rutherford.
Harry: That's my second-favorite show.
Dick: What's your first favorite?
Harry: Good Morning, Rutherford.

Dick: Just a minute, Missy. I think you're forgetting something: our dinner. Tonight I'd like you to make something stroganoff-y.
Harry: Mmm, I'm sorry, but due to a prior commitment, miss Sullivan's dinner-making will have to be rescheduled.
Dick: Enough! Lieutenant, as of right now, I order you to be no longer famous.
Sally: You can't order that.
Dick: Think of the mission.
Sally: This is bigger than the mission! I didn't ask for this mantle. The people of Rutherford need a Sally Solomon, and it just so happens I am Sally Solomon. So I will be their Sally Solomon. I can do no less. Play ball!

Mrs. Dubcek: You know, I did some modeling in my day. 'Course, I had a very bad experience, though. The runway stopped and I didn't.

Dick: And to think that I wanted fame. That could have been me. It's so sad. She was so big.
Harry: She still is big. It's the planet that got small. Now if you'll excuse me, madam needs me.

Harry: Well, everybody, I'd like to propose a toast.
Dick: Uh, no. No, Harry. [clears throat] Let me. To someone who has been an inspiration to us all and a beacon of light in a dark and ominous fog of mediocrity... to me.
Tommy: Can I see it?
Dick: I've been immortalized.
Harry: Ah, yep. It's not just anybody who gets to be in the Pendelton yearbook. Only those people who work at or attend Pendelton.

Sally: Okay, well, Marizio said he can't give us our table back. He's saving it for someone important, some bigwig.
Dick: A bigger wig than I?
Harry: Whoa! Check it out, you guys. It's Mark Hamill.
Sally: I cannot believe we had to give up our table for Luke Skywalker. "Ooh, look at me. I'm so important. My father's Darth Vader."
Dick: He is?!
Sally: I'm gonna go over there and I'm gonna get our table back.
Harry: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Remember, Sally, he's a celebrity and therefore our superior.

Sally: Uh, you're Mark Hamill, right?
Mark Hamill: Yes.
Sally: Okay, well, look, I hate to do this, but I really-
Mark Hamill: No problem at all. It's okay. Here we go.
Sally: Um, what are you doing?
Mark Hamill: Well, signing my name.
Sally: Uh, I don't need proof, pal! I know it's you! Move over, sweetie. Get up! All right, here's what's gonna happen, okay? My family is gonna sit here and you guys are gonna sit over there. [Dick and Harry use bread sticks like lightsabers]
Mark Hamill: Hey, how about this: I'll give you a copy of my new book, and we'll call it even.
Sally: Okay, how about this? Why don't you book over to that table?
Mark Hamill: Look, I'm sorry. I'm not moving anywhere.
Sally: I disagree.
[Sally pulls Mark Hamill out of his chair and shoves him over to Dick and Harry's table. After they pass him back to Sally, she gives him a noogie.]
Harry: He seems very down-To-earth.
Dick: Ooh! Scrappy.
Harry: May the force be with you, buddy!

Harry: Hey, guys, guess who's on the front page? Ta-da, Sally Solomon.
Sally: What?
Dick: "Local woman Sally Solomon put her foot down for the common man last night square on the chest of Star Wars: Special Edition star Mark Hamill." This is huge! "Said Solomon, 'Just because I'm a nobody doesn't mean I'm not somebody'."
Tommy: Wow, that sounds like they're making you out to be some kind of hero or something.
Dick: That's nice, Sally. Not as nice as being published in the yearbook, but...

Dick: Well, I guess it's great being on television if you're one of those people that always has to be looked at. You know, one of those pathetic types that always needs to be the center of attention. Hello! I'm speaking over here!
Mary: I'm sorry. Did you say something?
Dick: All I'm saying is, there's something wrong in this country when people are fawned over for attacking movie stars while brilliant physics professors toil on in obscurity.
Nina: Isn't that what the Nobel prize is for?
Dick: Oh, please, don't get me started on that vacuous popularity contest.

Mary: Oh, remember what Andy Warhol said.
Dick: What? "I bet if I paint this can of soup, some sucker will pay a million dollars for it"?
Mary: After that. The thing about everybody being famous for 15 minutes.
Dick: Fifteen minutes?
Mary: Yes, well, this is Sally's 15 minutes. Let her enjoy them.
Dick: Fifteen minutes? Oh. Fame is so fleeting. [chuckles] Poor Sally. [laughs]