Harry: Poor Tommy.
Sally: He's desperate. If Alissa isn't scared into his arms tonight, he'll spend the rest of his life heartbroken.
Harry: But you know, I'm a little worried about this plan. I mean, what if the scary movie isn't scary enough?
Sally: Yeah. I mean, the problem with scary movies is you know they're not real.
Harry: It's a flawed genre.
Sally: What if we go over there and make it real?
Harry: Yeah. They'll be naked by 9:30.

Dick: Here we are, Strudwick. Pull over. Pull over. All right, Mary. You can do your business here.
Mary: I would have preferred a rest stop, Dick.
Dick: And I want to live on Big Rock Candy Mountain, Mary. Remember...
Mary: I know. "Fantastic hurry."

Dick: I don't blame Alissa. How could she resist marrying into the Solomons? But Tommy with your daughter? Is this some kind of science experiment that got out of hand?
Strudwick: I always knew that boy of yours would walk off with something from my house. I figured it'd be something from my curio cabinet.
Dick: If Tommy really wanted to hurt me, he could have just jumped off a bridge. At least that wouldn't have hurt me.
Strudwick: What's gotten into them? Alissa's mother and I didn't get married until we... until we had Alissa. My God, Dick! I think she's--
Dick: Pregnant?
Strudwick: Yes!
Dick: Gun it, Vincent! [tires screech]
Mary: Dick? Is there an extra map in the glove compartment? Dick? Dick!

Alissa: Tommy, this movie's pretty scary.
Tommy: Yeah, yeah. But notice that all of the people that haven't been killed yet are in committed relationships with all their ups and downs.

Strudwick: There were two treasures in my life, Dick. The first was my daughter. The second was my economy sedan. You've taken them both.
Dick: You're no saint, Strudwick. You're the one who made us wear these stupid t-shirts.
Strudwick: Our old shirts were covered in deer blood and broken glass.
Dick: Oh. Call the fashion police.

Dick: This one's on you.
Strudwick: Dick.
Dick: No, no, no. I insist.
Strudwick: Dick, I don't have any cash. I paid for the motel.
Dick: Well, there's only $20 in Mary's purse, and you made me spend that on the t-shirts.
Strudwick: There's only one thing to do, Dick. Dine and dash. Now, timing is everything. Wait for my signal.
Dick: They're onto us.
Strudwick: Relax.
Waitress: Anything else?
Dick: Now! [both run out]

Harry: We did it your way. And you know who got terrified? Me. Tommy and Alissa are farther apart than ever.
Sally: What could I say? I was hoping you'd bleed more.

Tommy: Alissa? Does your streetlight sometimes look like a flaming, disembodied head?
Alissa: Oh, Tommy. I've missed your sense of humor. You know, I went out with some other boys after we broke up, but don't be mad.
Tommy: It could be swamp gas. Are we near a swamp?
Alissa: But nobody was like you. I've decided to forgive you. [knock on door]
Tommy: I'm a guest. You should get that.

Alissa: Oh, Tommy. I'm so scared.
Tommy: Yeah, you should be. [answers phone] Hello?
Mary: [on the phone] Solomon! Strudwick! [truck approaching] I'm gonna kill you! [truck honks horn]
Tommy: I think that's the person that's gonna kill us.

Alissa: Tommy, I'm really scared. In these movies, the maniac's always after the girl.
Tommy: It's true. He is always after the girl. [grabs Alissa] Here's the girl! Let's work together!