Harry: Well, if it isn't the poor relations. I knew you'd come around as soon as you found out I was a star. Oh, hello, Vicki.
Vicki Dubcek: Harry, I've always longed for a life in show business. The big crowds, the bright lights. And you know what's funny? I don't even mind the stench of manure.

Dick: [to a chimpanzee] Ah. So you're the little menace who keeps leaving your tricycle in my driveway. Next time, you're not getting it back. Ah, it's not your fault. You've got lousy parents.
Harry: Ah, I should have known they would have brought in the big guns. Mr. Tip-Tip, could you give us a moment alone? Maybe you could go get a mint. Look, Dick, you can just save your breath, okay? I can't answer the Big Giant Head. 'Cause if I do, then he'll stop contacting me. And then my act is over. I'm finished. No, I'm lookin' out for me.
Dick: Who are you?
Harry: Oh, don't give me that! Come on. I'm just the same guy I always was, only smarter.
Dick: I don't know who you are.
Harry: Why, because I'm living for myself for a change?
Dick: Who the hell are you?!
Harry: You want to know who I am? I'll tell ya who I am! I don't know anymore, Dick! I don't know!
Dick: Now you're hurting me.
Harry: I know. I've been selfish. What have I been thinkin'? [Hargo show music plays] Pardon me, Dick, but I've got a show to do.

Harry: People of Earth, I am Hargo the alien. [applause]
Dick: No. That's my dentist.
Harry: I come from a galaxy far, far... You know, I'd like to try something a little different tonight, if I could. Now, you've all seen the Big Giant Head call me. But you haven't seen me call the Big Giant Head. Let's call him, shall we? [disappointed murmuring] No, it'll be great. I'm just gonna make a little phone call- [voice quavers] Transmission line's open for the Big Giant Head. [crowd groans]
Garvin: Wh- Why is he changing the act? That act was gold!
Harry: Your status report has been received. [sneezes] [crowd boos]

Harry: Garvin, can I talk to you for a minute?
Garvin: Hargo, have a seat.
Harry: Look, I'm afraid that somewhere along the line, you've got the mistaken impression that I - ha ha ha - am an alien. And I'm not.
Garvin: Of course you're not, kid, but here's the magic. You make me believe.
Harry: Hmm. Well, thanks, but if it's all the same to you, I'd just as soon go home.
Garvin: It would be fun, wouldn't it? Oh, darn the luck. I just remembered, that's a no-can-do. I've got a signed contract, my friend.
Harry: Wait a second. I don't remember signing any contract.
Garvin: Yeah, but your former associate Randy LeFornier did. Yeah...
Harry: Yeah... here's the deal. See, he's not so much my former associate as much as he's my former kidnapper.

Harry: Yeah, and I'm sure that my family's worried about me.
Garvin: Your family? Where are they?
Harry: I don't know.
Garvin: But they're not here, are they? If they cared about you, wouldn't they come looking for you?
Harry: Well, they probably are looking.
Garvin: I don't think so.
Harry: I bet they put up posters.
Garvin: I know for a fact they have not!
Harry: Those bastards!
Garvin: I hate them as well. But you have a new family now, Hargo. A family that understands your talent, a family that's going to harness that talent for profit.
Harry: My profit?
Garvin: Slow down. You're going to be big, Hargo, so big it scares me.
Harry: Well, what, like Flipper boy big?
Garvin: Human pincushion big. [Harry's chin drops in surprise]

Tommy: All right, he's not in the arcade.
Sally: Oh, damn! How are we supposed to find Harry in this sea of blubber and B.O.?!
Vicki Dubcek: Well, all I know is, I'm gonna find me a good psychic. Not one that just recognizes people.

Sally & Tommy: Harry?! Harry?!
Harry: People of Earth, I am Hargo the Alien. [applause]
Sally & Tommy: Oh, my God!

Sally: Look, Harry, Dick is in trouble. His brain is going, and you're our only hop. You have to send in that status report.
Harry: No, you can't boss me around anymore. You- You people didn't even put up posters. No, I call the shots now.
Tommy: Look, Harry-
Harry: Silence! It's Hargo the Alien to you.

Garvin: Hey, you're a tall, cool drink of water. Let me ask you something. Can you eat glass?
Sally: Yes, I can. And no, I won't.

Sally: Harry, we're so glad you're back!
Tommy: Glad you're safe, man.
Harry: Thanks.
Dick: Why the hell am I wearing a diaper?!