Sally: Come on, Dick! Let's go. We're going to a psychic.
Dick: We're going to a psychic? Why?
Sally: To help find Harry.
Dick: Harry's missing? Why didn't anybody tell me?!
Vicki Dubcek: Uh, 'cause you knew?
Dick: I most certainly did not! Let's get going! Where are my car keys?
Tommy: They're in your hand.
Dick: Ah, found them. Now we can go. All right, let's get moving. Come on, Harry!

Mary: Dick? Dick, I know how hard this has been on all of you, so I made you a casserole.
Dick: [as Henry Fonda] What stinks?
Mary: It's got onions.
Dick: I can't have onions.
Tommy: Come on, Dick. We gotta get going.
Mary: Get going?! What, you know where Harry is?
Dick: If I did, will ya take that stink pot outta here?

Sally: Dick, Harry's missing.
Dick: What?! My God! Well, why are we all just sitting around?! We gotta go find Harry!
Vicki Dubcek: Well, we're going to the psychic for help.
Dick: Good idea. I'll give you a ride. Where are my car keys?
Tommy: Check your hand, Dick!
Dick: Ah. Here they are. Come on, let's go. Harry!
Vicki Dubcek: I'm gonna go borrow Momma's El Camino.
Sally: Dick? Um, are you okay?
Dick: I'm fine.
Tommy: Wait! You don't think that this is some sort of punishment from the Big Giant Head for not sending in the status report?
Dick: Oh, please! Did you hear that, Harry? Harry? Harry! D-oh! Great! Harry's run off with my car keys!

Dick: Losing my memory, bah! I found the university with no trouble at all.
Nina: Good afternoon, Dr. Solomon.
Dick: And a fine afternoon it is, Glen.
Nina: Excuse me?
Dick: What? Oh, sorry. Eh, how do you pronounce your name?
Nina: Nina.
Dick: Yeah, I know that. [sits down] This isn't my lipstick.
Nina: That's not your desk.
Dick: I know that! I was just looking for my lipstick.

Mary: Oh, hi, Dick.
Dick: Hi, there, pretty lady.
Mary: Is there any news about Harry?
Dick: News? What's the last news you heard?
Mary: That he's still missing.
Dick: Who's missing?
Mary: Harry!
Dick: I know that. Now, uh, if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment. [goes into the back room]
Nina: You can't get out that way.
Dick: I know that.

Vicki Dubcek: Hey, mama made us a sackful of sandwiches for the trip.
Mrs. Dubcek: Now, you be careful at that fair. The moonshine, the mutant pigs, the ex-cons runnin' the rides. You're not gonna wanna come back home.

Don: Sally! What's the big emergency?
Sally: Don, we need to go to the Lapine County Fair, and Dick lost the keys to the car.
Don: I'd love to go.
Sally: No, there's no room for you. We just need to borrow your squad car.
Don: Hey, you can't just take that car. It belongs to the cit-
Sally: Hey, can we use the siren? Come on.
Don: Only if you're going over 80!

Mary: How long do you think they'll be gone?
Don: Well, usually when they take the squad car, it's 5, 6 hours.
Mary: And they think we're just gonna sit here and wait.
Don: Well... that's what I usually do.

Garvin: Guess your weight for $1.00. $1.00. Guess your weight?
Dick: Oh, all right, young man, you got a deal.
Garvin: [chuckles] 205. Step on the scale, please.
Dick: Ah. 205, right on the button. I'll be. [chuckles]
Garvin: Guess your weight for $1.00. $1.00. Guess your weight.
Dick: Well, you're on.
Garvin: Okay. 205. Step on the scale, please.
Dick: You are good.
Garvin: Guess your weight?
Dick: This should be interesting. How much?
Garvin: $5.00.
Dick: You got a customer.

Vicki: Oh, man! Isn't this great?! My boyfriend is the king of the freaks, man! Oh, yeah, baby, I'm watchin' you! You're lookin' good up there! You're lookin' good!