‘Dick Solomon's Day Off’
Season 5, Episode 20 - Aired May 16, 2000
Dick discovers sick days and realizes you can take one without actually being ill. Meanwhile, Sally, Harry and Tommy snoop on their neighbors with Don's police scanner.
Quote from Mary
Mary: Dick? Oh, hi, honey. I brought you some soup.
Dick: I don't need any soup, Mary. I'm not sick.
Mary: Then why'd you stay home?
Dick: I had a horrible case of the fun-zies. Ah-choo!
Mary: What's that?
Dick: I won it at the arcade.
Mary: The arcade? You faked a sick day?
Dick: You're not gonna tell anyone, are you?
Mary: Tell anyone? Why didn't you call me? I would have come!
Quote from Dick
Dick: You would have? Then let's do it tomorrow!
Mary: Ooh, tomorrow?
Dick: Oh, come on, Mary. It'll be fun.
Mary: Oh, I know it would be fun. You know, I think I might be coming down with a little something.
Dick: Well, then get the hell away from me! You're gonna ruin my day off!
Quote from Dick
Dick: We won, Mary! We won! Did you see how I dusted that number-8 car on the last turn?
Mary: Did you have to throw soda in his face?
Dick: This is go-carting, Mary. You're either in it to win, or you're not.
Quote from Dick
Strudwick: I'd like a word with you, 30 car. Don't you know the rules? That was bush-league!
Dick: Strudwick!
Strudwick: Dick! How come you're not at school?
Dick: I- I am, I-I'm teaching the physics of go-carting. Nicely done, class. What are you doing here?
Strudwick: Me? Well I'm dying, Dick. I made a wish, and this is it.
Mary: Dying? Oh, come on, Vincent, you could do better than that.
Strudwick: Oh, you're here, too. Well, if you must know, I called in sick.
Dick: You cheat! You phony, lying fraud! Let's rat him out to the chancellor, Mary.
Strudwick: You can't rat me out without ratting yourself out, Dick. How dumb are you?
Dick: Not dumb enough to have a root beer beard!
Mary: Would the two of you just shut up? Now, we're all guilty of the same thing, so quit acting like babies, and let's go get some lunch.
Dick: We're not babies. [Strudwick and Dick start fighting] He's hitting me!
Quote from Dick
Mary: Wow, I've never seen a hot-air balloon up so close before.
Strudwick: It is rather beautiful.
Mary: I wonder what it would feel like to be so free, flying in the clouds.
Dick: That's the beauty of a bird like a parrot. It can tell you how it feels to your face.
Quote from Dick
Strudwick: You know, they have champagne flights. They leave every morning out of Hubris Field.
Mary: Oh, I'd love to do that someday.
Dick: Let's do it tomorrow. The three of us. We all still have sick days left.
Mary: I'm in!
Dick: Vinnie?
Strudwick: Absolutely, Dickie. I just wish we had some binoculars.
Dick: I have binoculars. They're at the office. I'll zip by at the crack of dawn, and we'll rendezvous at the launch.
Strudwick: That would be wonderful. I'll bring the sandwiches. Do you like pimento loaf?
Dick: Perfect! Fried chicken it is! [all laugh]
Quote from Dick
Dick: Ah, chancellor.
Chancellor Duncan: Dick?
Dick: Wh-wh-what are you doing here so early?
Chancellor Duncan: I saw the light on. Early bird gets the worm, huh?
Dick: I don't know. You'd have to ask someone from the ornithology department. I'm physics.
Quote from Dick
Chancellor Duncan: Those are nice-Looking binoculars. May I?
Dick: Why not? I won't be needing them. [answers phone] Hello? Oh, hi, Vince. Yeah, I got them. The chancellor's holding them right now.
Chancellor Duncan: They're light but powerful. Must be pricey.
Dick: So we're just going to have to do it another day. What do you mean you just lifted her into the basket? Are you still going? Just the two of you, alone? Was that a champagne cork? Hello? Hello? [hangs up] That rat! And to think I pedaled his bony ass around for miles!
Chancellor Duncan: I knew it!
Dick: What?
Chancellor Duncan: Dean Fleeger's stealing toilet paper. That's why he got a minivan. [exits]
Dick: Isn't it rich? Aren't we a pair? Me here at last on the ground, you in... midair.
Quote from Dick
Mary: Dick, what are you doing here?
Dick: Whisking you away for a glorious sick day. It's gonna be great. No Strudwick to ruin it. Oh, and I found a place that rents rickshaws. You, my lady, had better put on your running shoes.
Mary: Dick, I can't take a sick day. I've got the faculty seminar, followed by the chancellor's crab-leg lunch.
Dick: But I've already called in sick. I went with Asiatic flu. Very infectious. Left untreated, it could kill me.
Quote from Dick
Chancellor Duncan: Excuse me. Before you all go back to your classes, I just want to say one thing: the centerpieces are not take-homes.
Dick: [enters in a bath robe] Chancellor. Good afternoon, everyone. [sneezes] I'm sorry I'm late. A mere two hours ago, I was on my deathbed, but then I realized that Pendelton comes first. That's why I'm revoking my sick day to be here with you.
Strudwick: Hey, Dickie, I thought you were out sick.
Dick: Well, I'm here now, so get out of my seat.
Strudwick: I'm not budging.
Mary: Just sit down, Dick, sit down!
Chancellor Duncan: Hey, hey, hey! Hey, what's all the commotion?
Dick: I'll tell you what the commotion is. This bearded snake took a sick day off without even being sick and spent the day ballooning over Rutherford with my girlfriend and my fried chicken!
Strudwick: Go home! Your fever is making you say crazy things.