Don: Why don't you take Janice where I took Sally on our first date?
Sally: Yeah, the Seafood Hut.
Don: It was great. We had a bucket of steamers, a couple of cold beers.
Sally: Yeah, and at the end of the night, both of us had crabs.
Don: That didn't sound exactly right, Sally.
Sally: Don, we had crabs, and you know it.

Don: I gotta go. There's a car stolen every 15 minutes, and the guy who's doin' it has to be stopped.

Dick: Hey, Tommy, how was school?
Tommy: Terrible. I got hauled into the principal's office because of my grades.
Harry: Oh, what'd he do to you?
Tommy: He made me valedictorian. Apparently, I have the best grades in the school, damn it.
Dick: But you barely ever go to class.
Tommy: I know. That's how stupid everyone else is. Damn it!

Harry: Hi, Harry. Hello, Janice. Last time I saw you, I was kissin' you good-bye after a long night of kissin' you hello.
Janice: So, why haven't you called?
Harry: Well, at first I was playin' hard-to-get. But now I'm playin' paralyzed by insecurity.

Sally: Harry, what's the matter with you? Don't you want her?
Harry: Oh, yeah, so bad.
Sally: Well, then go get her!
Harry: Oh, well, come on, that's easy for you to say. I mean [voice quavers] Incoming message from the Big Giant Head. The Big Giant Head and his queen will be arriving shortly for their first appearance on Earth as husband and wife.
Dick: Oh, my god, they're coming today!?
Harry: Ladies and gentlemen, please, put your hands together for Mr. And Mrs Big Giant Head! [audience cheers] Everybody, please join the couple out on the dance floor. [sings] Sunrise, sunset Sunrise, sunset Swiftly flow the days...

Alissa: Tommy, I really don't think this is an acceptable valedictory speech.
Tommy: It's fine.
Sally: Ooh, let us hear it.
Tommy: You want to hear it?
Sally: Yeah.
Tommy: All right. "Fellow classmates, long live rock."
Harry: You know, you had me and then you lost me. But then you had me again.

Alissa: Tommy, you should just write what you feel.
Tommy: I don't know what I feel. What do you feel?
Alissa: Well... I feel like this is a new beginning. It's time to say good-bye to old friends, make new ones. It's the end of an era, and no matter how close we've become, it's time to move on.
Sally: Man, that's harsh.
Alissa: Sorry, but whether we like it or not, this chapter of our lives is over. I gotta go.
Tommy: See you later. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go read some Churchill for inspiration.
Harry: Oh, really?
Tommy: Nah. I'm gonna go get some fries.

Vicki Dubcek: Hey, Harry.
Harry: Ooh, hey, Vicki.
Vicki Dubcek: I can't sleep.
Harry: You know what works for me? Goin' to bed.

Harry: So, how do you like bein' queen, Vicki?
Vicki Dubcek: Ah, well, you know, it's got its perks. I get a lot of presents. Like this hair curler thing. Here, see?
Harry: Wow.
Vicki Dubcek: Yeah. It adds a lot of bounce to my hair. And then it also demolecularizes any poor bastard who tries to cross me.
Harry: Good reason to tip your hairdresser.
Vicki Dubcek: Mm-hmm.

Harry: So where should I take Janice on our date?
Sally: Well, it depends. You want to go to a movie, you want to go out to dinner?
Harry: Well, I want to get jiggy with it. But on a budget.