Dr. Bankson: All right, rinse out your mouth. Now spit. [Sally spits the mouthwash onto Dr. Bankson's gown] You've never been to a dentist's office before, have you?
Sally: Well, you know, gal on the go.
Dr. Bankson: All right. Could you open wider, please? Wider. [Sally coughs] [to Dick] You can't smoke in here.
Dick: All right, I'll smoke in the waiting room.
Dr. Bankson: Uh, you can't smoke in the waiting room, either.
Dick: Then I'll smoke in the hall.
Dr. Bankson: I'm sorry, you can't smoke anywhere in the building.
Dick: You know, you're awfully smug for a man in a paper coat.

Sally: What do you mean, my car is not ready? You promised it by Friday. Today's Friday.
Mechanic: [to Harry and Tommy] The carburetor's a rebuild, that takes extra time.
Sally: I'm over here.
Mechanic: On the plus side, your tranny's in really good shape.
Harry: Ah, good news.
Sally: Excuse me, this is my car.
Harry: She's right. I just stand here and nod.
Mechanic: [chuckles] Well, you gotta humor 'em. This redhead came in last week. [Sally picks up the mechanic's pliers and walks over to him] I think she was driving a sunbird. She opened that hood--
[The mechanic falls silent as Sally clenches the pliers]
Sally: Hello. I'd like my car ready in a half hour. I don't want a 200% mark-up on parts. And I'd like it washed. Thank you. Do you hear that, High Commander? [walks away]
Harry: Sally?
Sally: Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. [removes the pliers]

Harry: [finds a patient] Dr. Bankson. Huh. Dr. Bankson, we meet at last. I'm looking for someone, Dick Solomon.
Patient: [mouth filled] Who the heck are you?
Harry: Ah. Looks like you've chosen a poor time to sedate yourself, Dr. Bankson. But you know what they say, the dentist who drills his own teeth has a fool for a patient. Ah, I didn't expect you to cooperate. Well, maybe you'll talk for Mr. Sucky thing.

James Earl Jones: [v.o.] The Earth is actually two thirds water, about the equivalent of Scotch at a cheap wedding.

Dick: Is that it?
Sally: Ow!
Woman: That's it. I'm getting the manager.
Dick: Thank you. Have him bring floss.
Harry: I'm sorry. Couldn't be sorr- [trips] Ow! Dick, I'm stuck to the floor.

Sally: Dick, wait, we need to talk about this. I am second in command here, and I have no authority over these guys.
Dick: You outrank them. Just seize control, take some initiative.
Sally: All right, permission requested to schedule initiative-taking.
Dick: Just do it. Take the car and fix the phone. What would you do if I wasn't here?
Sally: You're always here.
Dick: Well, what if I wasn't? [exits]
Sally: I'd do a happy little dance.

Tommy: We need some duct tape and jumper cables.
Dick: Tommy, have you smoked your cigarette yet?
Tommy: No, sir.
Dick: There's no reason to put it off.

Harry: You know, I must say, this secondhand smoke is smooth and satisfying.
Dick: My gift to you.

Sally: Dick, you've been smoking those things since you got home. It's almost like they're addictive or something.
Dick: Don't be silly. If cigarettes were bad, they wouldn't sell them everywhere. Besides, I can quit whenever I want. There, you see, I've stopped. [puts out cigarette and pulls out a new one] There's nothing to it. [puts cigarette in mouth] You know, Sally, if you want to advance, you're going to have to open your mind to new experiences. [lights cigarette] Well, I've started again.

Dick: My people. Dr. Finkel. Father. Mrs. Cross, you smoke, too?
Mrs. Cross: [deep, raspy voice] It comes as a surprise to many people.
Dick: Look at us. We suck, we blow... a posse of oral fixators. Oh, yeah, we're bad. They can isolate us, but they'll never separate us. Let them outlaw smoking. Then they'll just have to deal with a whole bunch of smokin' outlaws! Who's with me? [silence] All right.