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Dick, Smoker

‘Dick, Smoker’

Season 1, Episode 5 -  Aired February 6, 1996

Dick quickly becomes addicted after having his first cigarette. Meanwhile, Sally is upset that Dick keeps overruling her.

Quote from Tommy

Sally: So, Tommy, how was your science fair?
Tommy: Oh, uh funny story. Um, remember that frog I reanimated? Well, it kind of developed a taste for human flesh. Someone's got to go see my science teacher tomorrow.


Quote from Sally

Sally: You're going to climb the utility pole and fix our phone line.
Harry: Well, I'll need a flashlight.
Sally: Don't worry. It's plenty bright with all that lightning.
Harry: Well, how do I get up there?
Sally: We've got that big metal ladder in the garage.
Tommy: Oh, wait. You can knock the box open with this metal golf club.
Sally: Good, Tommy.
Tommy: Oh, and you want to be safe. Wrap this chain around your waist and attach it to the power line in case you slip.
Harry: Prepare to be dazzled.

Quote from Dick

Dick: [sings softly] Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes are calling From glen to glen And down the mountainside [more impassioned] The summer's gone And all the roses falling 'tis you, 'tis you Must go and I must bide [more impassioned still] But come ye back When summer's in the meadow... [to his shadow] Hey, you're not bad. Thank you. [sings falsetto] 'Tis I'll be gone In sunshine Or in shadow. [normal voice] You're not so bad yourself.

Quote from Nina

Sally: Nina, where's Dick?
Nina: I haven't seen him in two days. I was just about to call you.
Sally: Will you excuse us for just a minute? He's not here, he's gone. He's actually gone.
Nina: I can still hear you.
Tommy: Could you leave, please?
Nina: Try and stop me. [exits]

Quote from Harry

Sally: This wasn't a test. I really am High Commander.
Harry: We await your orders, High Commander. [Sally is silent] We're here waitin'.
Tommy: If Dick were here, he'd know what to do.
Harry: If Dick were here, he'd know where he was.

Quote from Dick

Dick: Death has reared himself a throne in a strange city lying alone where good and bad and worst and best are gone to their eternal rest. [as sock puppet] That's nice. What is it? [normal voice] It's just something I made up. [as sock puppet] Liar. That's Edgar Allan Poe. I was there when you read it. [normal voice] Then why ask?! Just to play mind games with me? [as sock puppet] What mind? [normal voice] Stop it! Stop it! Stop it, stop it, stop it!

Quote from Dick

Tommy: A voice inside of you? And you never knew it was there before?
Harry: By the second day, I was hearing my inner voice, too.
Sally: What was it saying?
Harry: I have no idea. I don't speak French.
Dick: You should have seen the janitor's face when he walked in on the four of us.

Quote from Sally

Sally: I'm just glad you're alive.
Dick: Thank you, Sally. And good work finding me.
Sally: Good work? I was paralyzed. I thought I could do your job. I mean, you're so arrogant, bossy, and condescending, you make it look so easy.
Dick: Well, I'm not perfect, Lieutenant.

Quote from Dick

Dick: After all, I got locked in a stairwell for three days just because I needed a cigarette.
Sally: Yeah, that was stupid.
Dick: Yes, it was.
Sally: Really stupid. [chuckles]
Dick: Point taken.
Tommy: I mean, didn't you even think to check the door first?
Harry: You'd expect a bonehead move like that from me, but you?
Dick: Okay, a bonehead is where I draw the line.
Sally: Excuse us.
Dick: After all, I am the High Commander.

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