‘Dick on a Roll’
Season 3, Episode 12 - Aired January 7, 1998
After Dick injures himself and needs to use a wheelchair, he is shocked by how difficult it is to access his office in the university. Meanwhile, Sally finally finds something to do in Rutherford when she discovers a hot new nightclub, and Vicki Dubcek returns having taken a vow of celebacy.
Quote from Vicki Dubcek
Vicki Dubcek: [massaging Dick] Hey, that feels good, doesn't it?
Dick: Actually, that kinda hurts. Now that really hurts.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, it hurts so good, doesn't it, baby?
Harry: Hurts like hell.
Vicki Dubcek: You want more?
Harry: Yeah.
Dick: Ow!
Vicki Dubcek: More?
Harry: Yes.
Dick: Ow!
Vicki Dubcek: More?
Harry: Yes.
Dick: Get off me!
Vicki Dubcek: I'm so tired of cleansing myself. Now I want to get dirty. [she and Harry kiss]
Quote from Mary
Dick: I prevented the administration from building a ramp that would have defaced a historic landmark. I'm a hero.
Mary: People came out to support your cause, and you hit them with a shovel.
Dick: Once again, you just can't stand that I'm right. It's sad.
Mary: Come on, Dick. [grabs Dick's wheelchair] Let's go try out the west ramp.
Dick: You mean the west stairs.
Mary: Whatever.
Quote from Sally
Sally: [on the phone] Yeah. What time are you open until? You close at 5 P.M.? You're a restaurant! I hate this town.
Quote from Sally
Dick: [o.s.] [screams] That wasn't fun at all!
Sally: Look, Dick! Your foot's on backwards!
Quote from Harry
Vicki Dubcek: Well, I'll see you first thing in the morning.
Harry: Best way to guarantee that would be to sleep on top of me.
Quote from Leon
Dick: You've all inspired me. I will fight for this until the bitter end.
Pitman: I'm with you, man!
Caryn: Me, too!
Bug: All right!
Leon: I'm less enthusiastic, but I'll show up.
Quote from Sally
Tommy: Whoa! That looks really cool.
Sally: Man, feel the beat! I want to go in.
Tommy: But, wait, wait. If we don't bring Dick his medicine, his leg's gonna swell up like a big, puffy yam.
Sally: That's okay, 'cause Dick likes yams.
Quote from Sally
Dick: Yes, yes. You may be all glittery on the outside, but I'm all glittery on the inside. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the north ramp.
Sally: Where's the ramp?
Dick: There.
Sally: There? In front of everything?
Dick: Well, it's a ramp into the building. Where did you expect it to go?
Sally: I don't know. Why not in the back with the other ramp?
Dick: Since when did you become an architect?
Quote from Harry
Harry: Why don't you massage me, Vicki?
Vicki Dubcek: Well, now, honey, you know if you ain't broke, I can't fix ya.
Harry: Ah! No pain, no gain. I understand completely.
[Harry flops down the stairs]
Vicki Dubcek: Harry? Harry? Did you hurt yourself?
Harry: [returns] No!
Quote from Dick
Billnitzer: Well, Dr. Solomon, these plans are fine. The ramp is structurally sound.
Dick: Rubber stamp. Smart move.
Billnitzer: Like I said, personally, I don't see why you need it. There is the ramp on the south side.
Dick: South ramp. South ramp. The hollow refrain of the ruling class. No, no.
[Susan Billnitzer rolls out from behind her desk in a wheelchair and pulls up alongside Dick]
Dick: You can't possibly understand how important this ramp is to the quality of life for the university. Until you've seen the world from the vantage point of a wheelchair... much as you yourself are now doing.
Billnitzer: You know, your request kind of surprised me, considering the south ramp is right there next to the handicapped parking. Why would you want to go all the way around in front?
Dick: Well, because it's further. And, uh... I, for one feel that I've made my point.