Dick: Can we take more than one?
Nina: Oh, take as much as you want. Nobody's gonna show up to this thing.
Mary: You two should be ashamed of yourselves. Poor Sonja Umdahl has wasted years of her life in this stuffy, mildewed book mausoleum. The least you could do is wish her well.
Nina: [to Dick] Yeah, shame on you! Uh, good-bye, Sonja. [exits]

Dick: Well, she doesn't have many friends, does she?
Mary: No, she's just shy and introverted... weird. Go introduce yourself.
Dick: Oh, no, Mary! Some of the students said that she has spiders in her hair!
Mary: Get over there!
Dick: Ah! Morgan's Hhysical Basis of Heredity. It's a quick read, although I did find the footnotes intrusive.
Sonja: Me too.

Sonja: In strictly quantum terms.
Dick: Of course.
Sonja: And just like you can have quarks and anti-quarks...
Dick: And neutrinos and anti-neutrinos.
Mary: Wait a minute. [chuckles] Isn't a neutrino a breakfast bar?

Sonja: Oh, Dr. Solomon! You are a fountain of knowledge.
Dick: And you are a puddle of smartness.

Mary: Good morning.
Dick: Yes, isn't it? The air is crisp. Dew is on-
Mary: Where the hell have you been?
Dick: I took Sonja home, and we were having so much fun that I spent the night.
Mary: Did you have sex with her?
Dick: No! I only do that with you! And sometimes Farrah Fawcett in my head.

Dick: Mary, all we wanted to do was talk.
Mary: Oh, come on, Dick, a man and a woman cannot connect intellectually without eventually connecting with their connectors.
Dick: Are you saying that just because Sonja and I share the same intellectual interests, we're destined to share the same bed?
Mary: Yes.
Dick: But that's ridiculous! Sonja's far too intelligent to have sex with me.

Mary: I think Sonja Umdahl likes Dick.
Nina: So? A man would have to be a lunatic to be attracted to that woman. Uh-oh.
Mary: Oh, no, Nina. I trust Dick, I really do, but there's something about that woman that bothers me.
Nina: Want to know what I heard?
Mary: What?
Nina: Sometimes if you peek through the library window and she doesn't know you're looking...
Mary: Yeah?
Nina: You can catch her with snakes moving all over her head. Just moving all over her head. Snakes and mo- [Sonja walks in] Oh, and then I rinse and then I repeat and then I rinse and then I'm done. Oh, hello, Sonja. I thought you moved.

Mary: Dick, I just want you to know I spoke with Sonja today.
Dick: You did? I didn't.
Mary: She considers us to be just good friends. That's all she wants.
Dick: Then why did she try to do unspeakable things to me?
Mary: What?
Dick: Right here on this desk! Things that only you do! Not nearly often enough.
Mary: I can't believe it!
Dick: Believe it, Mary. She wants me! And not just my mind. She wants my body, my beautiful body!

Dick: But I resisted her, Mary. I told her I wasn't interested in her that way.
Mary: I should hope so!
Dick: I told her to get right out of our office.
Mary: Good for you!
Dick: And I promised to see her tonight.
Mary: What?
Dick: It was the only way I could get rid of her.
Mary: The only way? Did you try a fire hose?
Dick: No, but I did tell her to put her blouse back on. That was quick thinking, right?
Mary: You know, I'm beginning to wonder if you're as committed to this relationship as I am. Look, tonight I'm gonna tell her I can't see her anymore. Good, 'cause it's either me or the spider woman.
Dick: Oh! I'm the devil's candy!

Don: I been thinking about what happened last night.
Sally: Well, here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking I'm a starving woman, and you're the blue-plate special at the beef 'n' griddle.
Don: You had me worried. I thought we took the midnight train to Splitsville.
Sally: Well, we may have crossed signals at the last junction, but now we're back on track.
Don: [waveringly] All aboard.
Sally: Whoo, whoo.