Don: What the heck is going on here? You almost made me spill my joe.
Sally: That noise, Don, what is it?
Don: All right, everyone, there's no need to panic. This has been a test of the emergency broadcast system.
Dick: Why? Is there an emergency?
Don: No. This has only been a test. Had this been an actual emergency, you would have been instructed on where to go in your area for shelter.
Tommy: Shelter from what?
Don: Bombs.
Dick: To interrupt a program of this quality under the guise of national security is preposterous!

Harry: You know, I bet I could write a killer X Files.
Tommy: I could write one in my sleep.
Harry: I could write one hanging upside-down.
Tommy: I could write one with crayon.
Harry: I could write one if I lost both my arms and had to type with my feet.
Tommy: I could write one-
Dick: I want to watch one! Why don't you shut up and go write one?
Tommy: Fine, then. We will. Come on, Harry.
Harry: Yeah, come on.
Dick: Good! And when it's on TV, I'll talk all through the damn thing, see how you like it!
Harry: Someone should take the probe out of his butt.

Tommy: Okay, Harry, the first scene is critical. We have to hook the viewers with something exciting.
Harry: How about a picnic?
Tommy: Picnics aren't exciting.
Harry: I've been to some exciting picnics.