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Collect Call for Dick

‘Collect Call for Dick’

Season 4, Episode 4 -  Aired October 21, 1998

After Dick gets a Fuzzy Buddy toy with his burger, he becomes addicted to collecting them all. Meanwhile, Tommy is forced to become the school mascot after the Coach notices he doesn't have any "pep".

Quote from Mrs. Dubcek

Sally: Okay. You guys ready?
Mary: He's not going to like this.
Tommy: We've got to confront him. It's for his own good.
Mrs. Dubcek: Now you swear this intervention is not for me? Because I have fallen for that twice.


Quote from Dick

Sally: How could you have gotten so carried away?
Dick: I don't know. Maybe I was just trying to fill some emotional void. Maybe I never really felt loved by my mother.
Tommy: Dick, you never had a mother.
Dick: See? That's a pretty serious void.

Quote from Harry

Harry: [burps] Oh, I'm sorry. Probably the secret Rusty's sauce.
Tommy: That's just ketchup.
Harry: Oh, well, thank you so much for ruining it for me, Tommy.

Quote from Dick

Dick: My burger is infested with pigs.
Tommy: No, you know what these are? They're Fuzzy Buddies. They're promotional giveaways. See? "Collect them all."
Dick: Why?
Tommy: I don't know. That way you have them all.
Dick: You'd think they'd put something useful in a fun lunch. Like a nice pair of slacks.
Sally: Yeah, or a fedora.
Tommy: Oh, fedoras are back.
Dick: When were they out?
Harry: Never, to my mind.
Sally: Yeah. Fedoras are perennial classics. They're my favorite hat.

Quote from Nina

Nina: Dr. Solomon. Oh, my god! You've got a Jiggly Pig!
Dick: I do not!
Nina: I've been looking all over for one of these. I'm so jealous.
Dick: You have? Why?
Nina: I collect them. I've got, like, two drawers full of them.
Dick: Well, I've got two drawers full of underwear, but I don't go around bragging about it.
Nina: Yes, you do.

Quote from Sally

Dick: Sally, where have you been?
Sally: I've been hunting. Look.
Dick: Fuzzy Buddies?
Sally: Yeah. It took me five hours, six stores and a couple of mighty fine kick boxing moves, but look how many I got.
Harry: Ooh. Puffy the lamb. [bleets]
Sally: Hey, give that back. It's valuable.

Quote from Dick

Mary: Hey, Dick, what's with all the Rusty Burgers?
Dick: Ah, well, I'm just preparing box lunches for the homeless.
Mary: Why are you putting all the food in the trash?
Dick: It makes them more comfortable. Mary, you can be so insensitive.

Quote from Dick

Dick: Oh, uh, Nina. Do you remember that pig that I let you borrow?
Nina: Borrow? No, you gave me that Jiggly Pig.
Dick: That's the one. I need it back.
Nina: But I like it.
Dick: I'll give you $20 for it.
Nina: But it was a gift.
Dick: I'll give you $30.
Nina: $30 for that?
Dick: Okay, 50. But that's my final offer.
Nina: $50? Okay, it's in my desk.
Dick: $75.
Nina: Sold!
Dick: Fine. $100!
Nina: Whoo-hoo!
Mary: Very smooth, Dick.
Dick: Thank you, Mary.
Mary: Want to buy a thimble?

Quote from Dick

Dick: [on phone headset] Well, let me know, because my offer stays on the table for exactly one hour. Ciao. Thanks. [switches line] Word on the street is that you've got a Winky the rabbit. Now I'm quite interested in that item, and it just so happens that right now I am flush with ocelots. No, no, no, no. I don't want you to make a deal you're not comfortable with. All I'm saying is, this is your future. Asking your parents would only cloud your judgment. Someone's coming? All right, call me back tomorrow during recess. Night-night, Becky. [removes headset] She's weakening.

Quote from Harry

Dick: Harry, look at this.
Harry: What? Snow leopard?
Dick: Chilly the snow leopard. The holy grail of Fuzzy Buddies. Do to a manufacturing error in Taipei, they were made with only one nostril. Only 30 of them ever made it out of the factory. It's the most valuable of all.
Harry: Well, it's worth more because it's defective?
Dick: It's worth more because it's rare.
Harry: But it's rare because it's defective and crappy?
Dick: Exactly. What I wouldn't give to have one.
Harry: Hey, I got an idea. How about, instead of buying a bunch of screwed-up dolls, we buy some food, pay the rent? Come on, Dick! Dubcek's threatened to make me work it off, and I don't think she's talking about mowing the lawn.

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