Father Matthew: So, why did you bring in the painting?
Dick: Oh, that. Because I want you to, uh... Uh, I want you to... I want you to have it.
Father Matthew: Thank you.
Dick: No, no, please. The pleasure's mine. Now, if you'll excuse me... Could you either get this kid off my leg, or else put another one on, because it's really throwing off my balance.

Sally: You know, it's weird. Until I started snoring, I never really appreciated how much Don loves me.
Dick: Yeah, and until I started giving, I never really appreciated how much I have.
Harry: Man, we're so lucky.
Dick: [sings] Across the void we come a-warping [Sally joins in] Across the fields of stars we soar [Tommy and Harry join] We pledge to land and... something, something dum dee dum dee da da da da... spaceship
Harry: One more time!

Auctioneer: $60, going once, going twice, sold to Judith Draper!
Mary: Come on up here and pick up your two-day pass to the Iroquois Falls Sweat Lodge. You deserve it.
Auctioneer: Judith Draper!

Auctioneer: Next, we have this oil painting of the historic ground breaking of the Rutherford Boys' Home. Isn't this beautiful? We'll start the bidding at $500. Who will give me $500? [Dick raises his paddle] I have 5, who will give me 6?
Dick: Nobody give him 6!
Auctioneer: 6 from Father Matthew. Who will give me 7?
Dick: 7! In your face, padre!

Dick: Judith.
Judith: Dick.
Dick: Did you say something about my painting?
Judith: No.
Dick: Oh.
Nina: You're not going to hang that up in here, are you?
Dick: Uh, no, Nina. This is not a hanging painting. It's more of a walking around painting.
Nina: Oh, that's nice. Why don't you take it for a walk?

Dick: I love my painting. It's so nice.
Nina: Here's your mail.
Dick: Oh, something from the boys' home. Ah, at last, the respect that I deserve. "Dear sir or madam"... Hey, they've invited me to become a patron. Not everybody gets that.
Nina: I did.
Judith: Me, too.
Mary: I got three.
Dick: This painting sucks!

Sally: Don.
Don: [talks in his sleep] Harriet Tubman.

Don: Sally, what are you doing here?
Sally: I finally found a cure for my snoring.
Don: Oh.
Sally: Isn't that great? I won't be waking you up anymore.
Don: Yeah, that's super. Good night.
Sally: Good night. [turns bedside light on] [hums]
Don: Aren't you gonna go to sleep?
Sally: Oh, no. I slept all day.
Don: Why is that?
Sally: So my snoring wouldn't wake you up, silly. Now go back to sleep.

Tommy: All right, let's bring this mission statement home. How will we know when we've fulfilled the goal of our mission?
Harry: Um, when we've become the perfect human beings?
Tommy: Yes. Yes, but human beings by nature are imperfect.
Harry: Wait a second. I see what you're going for.
Tommy: Yes, and for this mission to be perfect, it actually has to be really flawed.
Harry: Well, all right! It already is. I mean, look at you. You're the poster boy for imperfection.
Tommy: How's that?
Harry: Well, your B.O. smells like chicken soup, and you got B.O. a lot.
Tommy: Fair enough, but, uh, don't sell yourself short in the imperfection department, Harry.
Harry: How do you mean?
Tommy: Well, you're not smart.
Harry: And you scare away the ladies.
Tommy: I feel like punching your face in.
Harry: Me first, fatso.

Father Matthew: Good morning. Oh, uh, Father Matthew. Well, I'm sorry to keep you waiting. Ben, this is Dr. Solomon, the nice man who gave us the money to have the bus fixed.
Ben: Thank you, Dr. Solomon. [hugs Dick's leg]
Dick: Oh, well, hey, you're very welcome.
Father Matthew: Thanks to your generous pledge, we can fix the bus, and our kids will see things they have never seen before. [Dick tries to shake Ben off his leg] The tire and rubber works in Akron, the Miniature Golf Hall of Fame, Wapakoneta, the home - the birthplace of Neil Armstrong, and of course, the Air and Space Museum, and the aquarium.
Dick: Oh, yes, aquariums are nice, if you like fish, but-
Father Matthew: And there's also a chance we can take a day trip to see the Toledo Mud Hens.
Dick: Now, that's all very well, Father Matthew.