Tommy: Hey, Albright. What's with the cape?
Mary: Why, too much?
Tommy: Well, not if you're fighting crime.
Mary: For your information, I think I look great. Dick, I'm gonna wait in the car, I want to go over the seating chart for the fund-raiser.
Dick: Oh, Mary, I love that jacket. Yeah, the way it has no buttons and flows off your shoulders.
Mary: It's not a jacket, it's a cape.
Dick: Oh, of course. [Mary leaves] If it's a cape, I don't like it.

Dick: Oh, and Mary tells me I'll get to make a difference in someone's life.
Tommy: Wait, I thought we weren't allowed to make a difference.
Dick: No, we can make little differences. We're not allowed to make global differences.
Harry: Can we blow up the earth?
Dick: You see, that's a global difference.

Tommy: Okay, let's just start from scratch then. What is our mission?
Harry: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
Tommy: That's clunky.
Harry: Yeah, and that excludes Sally.
Tommy: Mmm, and us, too, technically, since we're not men.
Harry: Yeah, yeah, and lots of men have been here.
Tommy: Yeah. Eh, let's put it in.
Harry: Yeah, it'll give Dick something to cut.

Don: All right, Sally, I'll be straight with you. Uh, I can't sleep in the same bed with you.
Sally: Is it 'cause I stink?
Don: No.
Sally: Drool?
Don: No.
Sally: Pee kind of orangey?
Don: No!

Mary: Good morning.
Judith: Mary, I thought your kind didn't venture out in daylight.
Mary: Well, if my cape is too hip for the room, maybe I'll just take it off.

Dick: Okay, let's start again. We'll begin the bidding at, say, $900.
Strudwick: Get lost.
Dick: That was a bid.
Strudwick: That was not a bid.
Dick: It was, too. You bid $900. Going once, going twice.
Strudwick: Go away!
Dick: Sold! You owe me $900. We'll call it 8. 7 and I get to kiss your wife.
Strudwick: Out, idiot!
Dick: Fine, but at least I have something to show for my idiocy.
[Dick walks out and slams the door without taking the painting. He returns:]
Dick: Aha! So, you have my painting.

Tommy: She snores like a pig.
Harry: Why is this our problem, again?
Tommy: Well, read the first paragraph of our mission statement.
Harry: Mmm. "We must confront all human problems to understand the human experience." Who wrote this crap?
Tommy: That was you.
Harry: It's good.

Mary: [on the phone] Hi, Rutherford Clothing Drive? Yeah, I donated a delightful cape ensemble this morning, and I think you made a mistake on the receipt. Yeah, you estimated the value at $300. Well, I paid much more than that. I know they haven't been popular since the 1800s. Look, if I put a one in front of the three, would that be against your rules?

[As Don tries to get back to sleep, Sally turns on the TV]
Cliff: [on TV] Hey there, Woody, what's that hair doing in my beer?
Woody: [on TV] I think it's the backstroke, Mr. Clavin.
Sally: [laughs loudly]
Don: Sally!
Sally: Uh, I'll just... I'll put it on closed captioning. [shouts] Norm!
Don: Sally!

Dick: [to himself] Father Matthew, allow me to be perfectly frank. I am not a wealthy man. I have to feed and clothe a family of four on a professor's modest salary. I can't expect a priest to understand poverty, but let me tell you, I have to make a lot of sacrifices- No, no, please, let me finish. I simply have no room in my limited budget for extravagances like charity. Therefore, I am returning this painting, and I want you to give me my money back. Unhand me, sir!