Tommy: Okay, mission statement.
Harry: Mission statement.
Tommy: What is our mission?
Harry: Well, you know, I always remember it by our mission song.
Tommy: Oh, right, right.
Harry: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [sings] Across the void we come a-warping... dum diddle dee lee ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh...
Tommy: [sings] Glorious and something something... dum diddle dee lee yadda yadda... spaceship!

Harry: So, uh, what is this thing you're going to, anyway?
Dick: It's a charity auction.
Tommy: And what's charity, again?
Dick: Well, all I know is they're giving out free drinks and paddles with numbers on them.
Harry: Well, I guess that's what charity's all about, getting liquored up and spanking your neighbor.

Dick: "Dear friend of the environment." Great. All of a sudden, every charity in the world is asking me for money.
Mary: Well, once you get on one charity's mailing list, you're on them all.
Dick: Yeah, but, how are you supposed to judge who gets priority? Do I adopt a fruit bat, save the rain forest, or build shelters for America's homeless?
Mary: You just help the ones you can, Dick.
Dick: Yeah, but why me? Why can't they just help each other?
Mary: And how would they do that?
Dick: Simple. The rainforest guys cut down the jungle to build affordable housing, America's homeless moves in, and once they get settled, they'll be happy to open their homes to fruit bats. It's not rocket science.
Mary: That's not how it works.
Dick: Oh, I know how it works. I fork over $1,700, and all I get is a painting of two monks and a shovel. The guy couldn't even paint hands. They look like potatoes. I want my money back!