Michael Scott: All right. You know what? That's it. Conference room. Five minutes. Women's appreciation.
Jim: Wait a second. How are you qualified for that?
Michael Scott: Oh, I don't know, James. Did I come from a woman? Have I slept with a woman? More than one?
Dwight K. Schrute: Less than three.
Michael Scott: That is not current.

Michael Scott: You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. [later:] I know the crap out of women. I would like to apologize for all the men who thought this was a laughing matter.
Creed: Are we still discussing this? I say again, what is the big deal?
Michael Scott: Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited.
Meredith: I don't remember doing that.
Angela: What a surprise.

Michael Scott: My point is- My point is- A penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.
Dwight K. Schrute: Alien.
Michael Scott: What? Shut it. Shut up. Okay.

Phyllis: Michael.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Phyllis: When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.
Michael Scott: Because- Wh- That was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.
Angela: And when we get mad, you always ask us if we're on our periods.
Michael Scott: I have to know whether you're serious or not.

Angela: This is not work talk.
Michael Scott: You're right. You're right. And you know why? It's because of where we are. This is a masculine environment. We need to find a place where you feel comfortable. You know where we're gonna go? Steamtown Mall.

Michael Scott: Okay! Let's go, ladies of Dunder Mifflin. Hey, we should have a calendar printed up. Pam, put that in my good idea folder.

Angela: Meredith, slow down! We're not gonna get there any faster if we're dead.
Meredith: Thanks. I know how to drive.
Pam: Oh. Yeah. You really shouldn't litter.
Meredith: My car. My rules.

Kevin: Hey, Jim. You want to go in the women's bathroom?
Jim: No. Thank you, though.
Kevin: You aren't curious?
Jim: Not really. I've seen a bathroom before.
Kevin: Yeah, but, it's every guy's fantasy.
Jim: I think you mean a girl's locker room. And in the fantasy, there's usually girls in it.
Kevin: Yeah. I'm going in.
Jim: Go crazy.
Kevin: Oh, my God.

Andy: I really appreciate your letting me work alongside you so closely today.
Dwight K. Schrute: Of course you do, moonface. That's because you're a preppy freak, you're the office pariah, and nobody likes you. So, start hanging these all around the building.
Andy: This guy looks like a real deviant.
Dwight K. Schrute: No duh. That's why we've got to catch him. Start hanging those.
Andy: Aye, aye, Captain.
Dwight K. Schrute: More like, aye, aye, General.

Michael Scott: I don't think she's gonna make it. Don't think she's gonna make it!
Meredith: [screeching sound] It's a little too tight. I'm gonna find another spot.
Michael Scott: [to camera] Many women are competent drivers.