Karen: Frankly, it's kind of insulting. But I have a bunch of stuff I need to return in my car, so I can do that.

Dwight K. Schrute: I plan on plastering this pervert's face everywhere. You can run, but you cannot hide.

Toby: Hey, where did you decide to take Karen tonight?
Jim: Anna Maria's.
Ryan: What's the occasion?
Jim: Six-month anniversary. What?
Ryan: Nothing. I think, we all kind of thought you guys were just, like, hooking up.
Jim: No. We've been dating for six months.
Ryan: She might mention an e-mail that I wrote a while back.
Jim: Oh, right. I remember that one. She read it to me. She said she's not really ready to date somebody in the office, but she really likes you as a friend.
Ryan: I figured. That's cool. I wouldn't want to be in an office relationship, anyway.

Michael Scott: Okay. So. Let's dish.
Pam: What do you want to dish about?
Michael Scott: Anything you guys want. This is your time. [silence] Mmm. What is a Pap smear? Or is it shmear, like cream cheese?

Pam: Read the pros first.
Michael Scott: Okay. "Jan is smart, successful. Good clothes. Hot. Perfect skin. Nice butt."
Phyllis: She does have very nice clothes.
Karen: Okay, okay. Cons?
Michael Scott: Cons. "Wears too much makeup. Breasts not anything to write home about. Insecure about body. I'm unhappy when I'm with her. Flat-chested."
Pam: What was the last one?
Michael Scott: She's totally flat. Shrunken chesticles.
Pam: No. The one before that.
Michael Scott: "I'm unhappy when I'm with her."
Pam: Michael. You shouldn't be with someone who doesn't make you happy.
Michael Scott: I'm happy sometimes. When we scrapbook. Or right towards the end of having sex.

Karen: Look, most relationships have their rough patches. You just have to push through it sometimes.
Michael Scott: Yeah. That's smart.
Pam: Maybe. But it sounds like you're just wrong for each other.
Michael Scott: That sounds good, too. I don't know who's right. I just don't. I don't know. I don't know.
Phyllis: I bet you know. Don't think. Just answer. What do you want to do about Jan?
Michael Scott: I want to break up with Jan. Wow! I want to break up with Jan.
Phyllis: My mom taught me that.

Michael Scott: Wow! I cannot believe this yogurt has no calories.
Pam: No one said it has no calories.

Kevin: This is so great, huh? We should do this much more often.
Toby: I think we hang out an appropriate amount of time.

Michael Scott: [to Angela] You don't want anything? My treat. Some panties, or- Like, a thong or G- string, T-back? Get a nice bra. Padded bra. See-through? Push-up? Lace? Thigh-high? Bustier? Anything. It's just- You know what? I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear.

Andy: Think we'll find him?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, I do. Because justice never rests.
Andy: Halvsies?
Dwight K. Schrute: No. Wholesies.
Andy: Listen, man. I really appreciate you letting me shadow you today. I feel like I learned a lot.
Dwight K. Schrute: Natch.
Andy: Yep. If you don't mind, I think I'll hang up some of these posters around my neighborhood, schools, post office, et cetera.
Dwight K. Schrute: You know? I may have underestimated you. You're not a total ass. [choking on candy bar]