‘Two Weeks’
Season 5, Episode 21 - Aired March 26, 2009
As Michael works his two weeks' notice after handing in his resignation, he manages to goof around even more than usual. Meanwhile, Pam attempts to assemble a new photocopier.
Quote from Stanley
Michael Scott: Stanley?
Stanley: Can't you see I'm urinating?
Michael Scott: Listen, listen, Stan. You don't need to answer me now.
Stanley: No.
Michael Scott: Just- I want you to think about it. I am starting my own company.
Stanley: No.
Michael Scott: You're not letting me finish, and you just lost out on $1 million.
Stanley: No, I didn't.
Quote from Pam
Pam: I did it. I learned everything about this machine. I know all the buttons, even the inside ones. I know all the error messages. I could do a bound book in plastic with offset colors. Which feels... [silence]
Quote from Michael Scott
Charles: Michael, I can't pretend I haven't seen that. So I'm gonna ask you to stand up, walk out, and you can't take anything.
Michael Scott: Okay. I have immunity. It's my two weeks-
Charles: Not if you're starting a competing paper company, Michael. Hank.
Hank: Okay, Michael.
Michael Scott: You really think Hank is going to be loyal to you? Hank, please escort Charles from the building.
Hank: Come on, man, let's go.
Quote from Oscar
Andy: What is he doing? It looks like he's saying something.
Kevin: I think he's singing.
Oscar: I can't believe this is really happening.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: And just like that, as mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone.
Quote from Phyllis
Andy: The whole office feels darker. You know? It's just a sad, dark day.
Phyllis: Andy, he's gone.
Andy: I know.
Phyllis: You don't have to kiss his ass anymore.
Quote from Michael Scott
Pam: Michael?
Michael Scott: Ssh. Ssh. Don't look down. Look straight up.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: Angela, Kevin, help me out. I need a few things. Then I'll be gone.
Kevin: Michael, why is it that you asked everyone except me, Angela, Creed and Meredith?
Michael Scott: I was going to. I wanted to, but I had to start somewhere.
Kevin: And you didn't want to start with us?
Michael Scott: No. Of course not. But now I want everybody.
Quote from Jim
Michael Scott: Buddy. Buddy. Jimbo. Did you have time to think about my offer?
Jim: I did have a chance to think about it, but then I thought about something else.
Michael Scott: So which way are you leaning?
Jim: Well, it is tempting, but I am 100% leaning towards passing.
Quote from Michael Scott
Charles: What are you doing?
Michael Scott: I think maybe Hank should be here.
Charles: Hank? No, I don't need Hank, Michael.
Michael Scott: You're gonna mess with me? I'll tell you something, Charles. I don't even care because I've got nothing to lose. Oh, my God. Oh God! No! No! All right. It's not worth it.
Quote from Pam
Pam: Oh, no.
Jim: What?
Pam: I'm going with him.
Jim: What? Pam!
Pam: I'm going.
Jim: Pam, you can't be serious.