Pam: Hello, Mr. Schrute, nice to see you. Please have a seat.
Dwight K. Schrute: I never sit down during sales meetings. I want to appear aggressive and imposing. I am going to sell to you in twelve minutes.
Phyllis: No, actually, she'd like to take her time discussing her needs.
Dwight K. Schrute: I will tell her what her needs are and then fill them. So this is going to work out best for you if you just relax and do nothing. And once I'm finished, it's over.
Pam: Okay, let's stop here. Anyone have any thoughts?
Dwight K. Schrute: I thought it went great.

Phyllis: Oh, all right. God, Dwight, just ignore every instinct you have. It's all garbage, okay? You're the woman, I'm the salesman, watch what I do and try to learn.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, I'm a woman. [high voice] I'm a woman. Good?
Phyllis: Ms. Thomas, so good to see you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hello.
Phyllis: Oh, are those your kids? They're so cute! They could be models.
Dwight K. Schrute: Thank you. I'm so proud of them. I carried each one of them for nine months inside of my torso and then pushed them out of my vagina.
Meredith: Boo! Weird.
Nellie: No.
Phyllis: Okay, yeah. This is a lost cause. He's hopeless.

Pam: You know, I think there could be a lot of benefits if you could learn to get along with women.
Dwight K. Schrute: Look, I have no problem with women. It's businesswomen and their- their power suits and their shoulder pads. Don't lie about your shoulders!
Pam: Dwight, listen to me. Businesswomen are just normal, nice, reasonable people. Who is a nice, reasonable person in your experience?
Dwight K. Schrute: I had a barber once who used to comb my hair gently.
Pam: Okay, so, when you're selling to this woman, just imagine that she's that nice, reasonable barber.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, I can do that.
Pam: Mm-hmm. Good. Baby steps.
Dwight K. Schrute: He used to fight dogs.
Pam: Like, he used to make dogs fight? Or he actually fought dogs?
Dwight K. Schrute: Little of this, little of that.

Dwight K. Schrute: Jan, you thought I had no more cards left to play. Well I've got one. Man-boy! The Ace of Babes.
Pam: Oh, my God.
Clark: Where's the Quizno's?
Dwight K. Schrute: You're the Quizno's. [chuckles] Jan, may I introduce to you your own personal Dunder Mifflin liaison, devoted to servicing this account with total client satisfaction. I sensed that Molly wasn't quite meeting your needs. Nothing like, uh, your old assistant... Hunter. Was that his name?
Jan: I- I-
Dwight K. Schrute: Hmm?
Jan: I don't recall. And yes, Molly is crap.
Pam: Okay, you do not have to do this.
Clark: Do what? Get into sales? That's what I want.
Dwight K. Schrute: He's been growing that mustache for weeks. Best he can do... So young.
Jan: Will you, uh, [clicks tongue] you. Can you turn around for me, please? Dwight, you can go. I will call you in a week or so and let you know whether I want your business.
Dwight K. Schrute: Very good.

Dwight K. Schrute: [answering phone] Dwight Schrute. [turns on speakerphone] Well, hi there, David Wallace. Why would you ever call me when the manager is out of town?
David: [on speakerphone] Well, I have some very exciting news.
Dwight K. Schrute: And you didn't call Jim? That seems significant.
Jim: Hi, David.
David: Jim, good! You should hear this, too.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, he shouldn't.

Angela: Spring cleaning?
Oscar: More like fall cleaning. [chuckles]
Angela: [whispering] I think the senator is having an affair.
Oscar: [pulling drawer out completely] This doesn't... I'm sorry. Wha... What?
Angela: I think the senator is having an affair.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: I literally have nightmares in which what just happened happens. I wake up in a sweat. And then I make Angela's husband spoon me back to bed.

Angela: When he comes home in the morning, he has this secret little smile.
Oscar: Oh, I'm sure that's nothing.
Angela: He's always at the yoga studio. He never misses the noon class. It's Hot Yoga with Blake.
Oscar: Angela, Blake's also a guy's name so he... may be spending his afternoons with a guy named Blake. So nothing to worry about. Huh. Blake. Who is Blake?
Angela: I don't know.
Oscar: I just never heard about the senator and yoga...
Angela: Right.
Oscar: From you. I'm sure it's probably nothing. But what's with the yoga already?
Angela: Right?
Oscar: And Blake! All right, Angela, calm down! We need to go check this out.
Angela: What?
Oscar: Angela, I'll go with you.

Angela: Which one is the instructor? They're all fatties.
Oscar: Angela! [whispering] Angela. There.
Angela: Where?
Oscar: [whispering] On the stairs. Stay calm. Stay down. Oh, so wait. Blake is a her.
Angela: Oh my God! She's so stunningly tiny! She's like a petite double zero, for sure. For sure! Holy cow! Look at what they're doing.
Oscar: She's repositioning his hips for downward facing dog.
Angela: [gasps] I've heard of this. Dog style. Oh, wait. Oh look, Oscar, Thumbelina has a boyfriend! And he has a ponytail. Ew. I'd like to see that run for office. Oscar, you were right. I had nothing to be worried about. Thank you. Let's go.

Pam: Forget everything we taught you. Hey, Jan! It's so great to see you.
Jan: Where's Wallace?
Pam: What?
Jan: I was under the impression that David Wallace would be coming. He bought back Dunder Mifflin, correct?
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey. Your daughter could be a bubble bath model. I could just bite her head off. [laughs]

Pam: Sorry. Um, David is in Vermont. Did you speak with him? He sent Dwight instead.
Jan: Molly! David Wallace is in Vermont.
Molly: Oh, my God. Um, I talked to his assistant. And I guess it did get a little confusing ‘cause you said not to tell anyone your name. And then also, those Bluetooths are very hard to hear with. I know you love the way they look, but Tom never had us use them...
Jan: Molly. I am not Tom. I am Jan.
Molly: I'm so sorry, Jan. [sobbing]