Michael Scott: Look, Jim needed a relaxing lunch. He has been depressed and it has been affecting his productivity. How is that not work-related?
Toby: He seems fine to me.
Michael Scott: You're not his friend, you don't know. He is in love with a girl he works with who is engaged, so just cut me some slack. Please?
Kelly: Pam?

Dwight K. Schrute: As a volunteer sheriff's deputy, I've been doing surveillance for years. One time, I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me. So I tailed her for six nights straight. Turns out, she was. With a couple of guys, actually, so... Mystery solved.

Pam: Did you find anything good in your desk?
Jim: Uh, coupon for a free sandwich.
Pam: Score!
Jim: Expired in August. And my cell phone charger from two years ago.
Pam: Big day.
Jim: Big day.

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, man! You are so busted! Ice skates, shopping bags? I think I know what's going on here. You weren't sick at all.
Gil: Who is this?
Dwight K. Schrute: This is Dwight Schrute. Who is this?
Gil: Gil.
Oscar: Are you going to tell Michael?
Dwight K. Schrute: How about this. I don't tell Michael, and in exchange, you owe me one great big, giant favor, redeemable by me at a time and place of my choosing.

Dwight K. Schrute: Guess what I found out about Oscar tonight. He was lying about being sick. Should I have reported Oscar's malfeasance? Hmm. Probably, but now I know something he doesn't want me to know. So I can use his malfeasance to establish leverage. Otherwise, it's just malfeasance, for malfeasance's sake.

Ryan: Creed, did you organize the menu book?
Creed: Oh, I thought that was more on a volunteer basis.
Ryan: No. That was mandatory.
Creed: Oh, I thought that was a volunteer thing.

Pam: Hey, your schedule for next week. Are you okay?
Michael Scott: Yeah, I'm fine. Look. About you and Jim.
Pam: I- No. No, that's- You don't have to-
Michael Scott: I just feel it's my responsibility as your boss/friend-
Pam: No, it's really, it's okay. I know that Jim had, like, a crush on me when he first started, but that was a long time ago, so-
Michael Scott: It wasn't that long ago. It was on the booze cruise.
Pam: Jim had a crush on me on the booze cruise or he told you about it on the booze cruise?
Michael Scott: [spluttering] Okay, shut it, Michael. I'm done, that's it. I'm out.

Michael Scott: It's grape! Soda! Tony the Tiger.
Jim: Yeah. You don't hear that much anymore.
Michael Scott: Not so much.

Dwight K. Schrute: Meredith, the men's room. Make sure you replace the urinal cakes, they're worn down. Kevin, file drawers. Angela, kitchen. Oscar, dusting. Where is Oscar?
Angela: He's out sick.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's unacceptable.
Angela: I agree. It's unacceptable.
Kevin: What are you guys doing?

Oscar: Hello?
Michael Scott: Hi, Oscar, it's Michael.
Dwight K. Schrute: And Dwight.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Heard you were under the weather?
Oscar: Yeah, I think I came down with the flu.
Michael Scott: Really? Oh, that is a shame. You know it's cleaning day here today. Could've used some of that famous Hispanic cleaning ethic.