Oscar: [on speaker phone] Michael, is there anything you need from me? I'd like to go back to bed.
Michael Scott: I need you to go to bed. I need you to get better. See you Monday, unless you're still sick. So have a great long weekend.
Oscar: I'll just be sleep- [Michael hangs up]

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, first impressions.
Michael Scott: He sounded sick.
Dwight K. Schrute: Which is exactly how you'd want to sound, if you wanted someone to think you were sick.
Michael Scott: That's exactly what I was thinking.
Dwight K. Schrute: Question. May I investigate?
Michael Scott: Yeah. Drop what you're doing. Make this a priority. Because an office can't function efficiently unless people are at their desks, doing their jobs.

Jim: Yeah, on the booze cruise, I told Michael about some feelings I used to have for Pam. I had just broken up with Katy, and had a couple of drinks, and I confided in the world's worst confidante.

Michael Scott: My lips are sealed. [singing] My lips are sealed- Bangles.
Jim: All right. Great. Thank you.
Michael Scott: [singing] Can you hear me? They talk about us Telling lies-

Dwight K. Schrute: Listen, temp. I'm conducting a little investigation. So, I'm no longer gonna be able to head up spring cleaning. Do you think you can handle it?
Ryan: Yeah, I think I can handle it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Do you think, or do you know?
Ryan: I think.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, God.

Michael Scott: So, what's the 411? Any updates on the "P" situation?
Jim: I don't know any-
Michael Scott: P-A-M. P-A-M.
Jim: Oh, okay.
Michael Scott: No, it's okay, we're talking code.

Michael Scott: Listen, Stan, you know, how long does it take for you to pick out a soda?
Jim: I'm gonna take off, actually.
Michael Scott: All right, well, cool. [to Stanley] Still deciding? Peach ice tea. You're gonna hate it.

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, what is going on here?
Michael Scott: Nothing.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, really, nothing? Fact. You are drinking grape soda, you never drink grape soda. Fact. You are talking to Jim, you never talk to Jim.
Michael Scott: Fact. I love grape soda, I always have. Fact. Jim and I talk all the time. We tell each other secrets.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, so what is the secret, Michael?
Michael Scott: Um...
Jim: I I had asked Michael if I could head up the Oscar investigation. And he said that only Dwight was capable of handling such sensitive material.
Dwight K. Schrute: Is that true?
Michael Scott: Um... I- I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is.
Dwight K. Schrute: Thank you, Michael. I know you're telling the truth.

Dwight K. Schrute: So, how did Oscar sound when he called in?
Pam: Sick. Like lots of sniffling, I don't know.
Dwight K. Schrute: Sniffling, how?
Pam: Uh, how many different ways are there to sniffle?
Dwight K. Schrute: Three.
Pam: Okay, it was the second one.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, good, thank you. That wasn't so hard, now, was it?

Michael Scott: It's ridiculous. They took my card away because I spent 80 bucks at a magic shop. What they don't understand is that I bought the stuff to impress potential clients, so business related. Right?