Michael Scott: I'm not going to go out and ask for a raise right now. That is ridiculous.
Darryl: Well, when they merged the two branches together, they put you in charge. Okay? And we're shipping more now than we ever have.
Michael Scott: That's true. Yeah, that's true. You got to call your girl and get paid. Show her who wears the pants in the relationship.
Michael Scott: You know what, I should.
Darryl: Yeah, you should.
Michael Scott: I've been a loyal employee for a long time.
Darryl: Fourteen years long.
Michael Scott: You know what, I deserve a bump.
Darryl: Make it happen, Captain.
Michael Scott: I am making it happen, Sergeant.

Kelly: You are so mean.
Ryan: I don't know what you're talking about.
Kelly: Yes, you do, Ryan Bailey Howard. You called me stupid.
Ryan: No. I said-

Michael Scott: Toby, come on, let's go.
Toby: Where?
Michael Scott: Where? I'm going to smack you in the head with a hammer. Come on, let's go.
Kelly: [to Ryan] What is so stupid about wanting to name a baby Usher?
Toby: All right.

Kelly: Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor.
Ryan: Don't you see why that's insane?
Kelly: Oh, so I'm crazy now?

Kelly: [answering the phone] Dunder Mifflin, customer service. This is Kelly. Oh, yeah, I can totally help you with that. Okay. Let me just get the folder out. Okay, it seems here that you ordered 12,000 reams of paper. Oh, 12 reams?

Darryl: Bring it home now. And don't forget the new black-man phrase I taught you.
Michael Scott: Pippety poppety, give me the zoppety.
Darryl: Yes, sir. Remember that. I'll be right outside if you need me.

Roy: I'm so sorry, Pammy. I mean, I wasn't going to do anything, but then I kept thinking about you two together. I just thought you guys were really good friends or maybe he was gay or something. Not that that's wrong.

Pam: I'm sorry, too. I just I think that we both made some bad choices.
Roy: So, you going to start dating Halpert then?
Pam: Um. No. No. He has a girlfriend.
Roy: Oh, yeah. Wait a minute, you broke up our wedding for the guy.
Pam: No. There were a lot of reasons.
Roy: What, you're not even going to try to go out with him? I don't get you, Pam.
Pam: I know.

Michael Scott: Negotiation is an art. Back and forth. Give and take. And today, both Darryl and I took something. Higher salaries. Win, win, win. But, you know, life is about more than just salary. It's about perks. Like having sex with Jan Michael.

Andy: Hey, guys, guess who's back? [Dwight pepper sprays Andy, he screams] Oh, God!
[later, Dwight talks to camera as Toby removes all his weapons:]
Dwight K. Schrute: No need to thank me. I'm not a hero. I'm a mere defender of the office. You know who's a real hero? Hiro from Heroes. That's a hero. Also Bono.