Michael Scott: This last Dundie is for Kevin. This is the "Don't Go In There After Me" Award. It's for the time that I went to the bathroom after him and it was really, really smelly.

Stanley: Well, last year I got Great Work, so I don't know what to think about this award. But at least I didn't get Smelliest Bowel Movement like Kevin.

Michael Scott: And this next award is going out to our own little Pam Beesly. I think we all know what award Pam is gonna be getting this year. It is the Whitest Sneakers Award, because she always has the whitest tennis shoes on. Get on down here! Pam Beesley, ladies and gentlemen! Oh, here we go.
Pam: I have so many people to thank for this award. Okay, first off, my Keds, because I couldn't have done it without them. Thank you. Let's give Michael a round of applause for emceeing tonight, because this is a lot harder than it looks. And also because of Dwight, too. So, finally, I want to thank God, because God gave me this Dundie and I feel God in this Chili's tonight. Whoo!

Jim: What a great year for the Dundies. We got to see Ping and we learned Michael's true feelings for Ryan, which was touching. And we heard Michael change the lyrics to a number of classic songs, which, for me, has ruined them for life.

Dwight K. Schrute: This woman is having a seizure. Grab her tongue! Grab her tongue! It's okay, I'm a Sheriff's Deputy.
Jim: Well, he's a volunteer.
Dwight K. Schrute: Don't get into that now. We need something to cushion her head. Throw pillow, a cushion... Okay, I'm gonna use my shirt.

Michael Scott: Was this year's Dundies a success? Well, let me see. I made Pam laugh so hard that she fell out of her chair and she almost broke her neck. So I killed, almost.

Pam: You know what they say about a car wreck, where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you wanna look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.

Michael Scott: Hey, hey, hey! It's Fat Halpert.
Jim: What?
Michael Scott: Fat Halpert. Jim Halpert. So, why don't I take you on a tour of past Dundie winners? We got Fat Jim Halpert here. Jim, why don't you show off your Dundies to the camera?
Jim: Oh, I can't, because I keep them hidden. I don't wanna look at them and get cocky.
Michael Scott: Oh, that's a good idea.

Michael Scott: And here we have Stanley the Manly. Now, Stanley is a Dundie All-Star. Aren't you, Stan? Why don't you show them some of your bling?
Stanley: I don't know where they are. I think I threw them out.
Michael Scott: No, you didn't.
Stanley: I think I did.
Michael Scott: Why did-
Stanley: Say, we gotta order some more appeteasers this time. We ran out last year, remember?

Pam: Michael has taped every Dundies Awards, and now he's making me look through hours of footage to find highlights.
Michael Scott: [on tape] Hit it, Dwight. (flute plays) A little bit of Pam all night long A little bit of Angela on the thing A little bit of Meredith everywhere
Pam: This is the part where Kevin sat in front of the camcorder all night. It's great.