Michael Scott: [on tape] The Dundie Award for Longest Engagement goes to Pam Beesly. Pam, everybody! When is that girl gonna get married? That's what I have to say. Ah, Roy's accepting. Thank you, Roy. Are there any words you'd like to say on Pam's behalf?
Roy: Uh, we'll see you next year.

Michael Scott: [singing] "The Dundies, how can I explain it? Awards you like to hate it. I'm psyched you all made it. You never had to work so hard and feel that no one notices you. You're just a name and number and no one even says hello."

Oscar: The Dundies are kind of like a kid's birthday party. And you go, and there's really nothing for you to do there, but the kid's having a really good time, so you... You're kind of there. That's- That's kind of what it's like.

Michael Scott: All right, all right. Joke landed. So, we are here. Thank you all for coming to the 2005 Dundie Awards. I am your host, Michael Scott, and I just wanna tell you, please, please, do not drink and drive. Because you may hit a bump and spill the drink.

Stanley: You said we could bring our families.
Michael Scott: I did, and why didn't you, Stanley?
Stanley: I did. My wife's name is Teri.
Michael Scott: Well, I'm looking forward to meeting Teri.
Stanley: It's this person whose hand I'm holding, Michael.

Michael Scott: Speaking of relationships, of all ways, shapes, and forms, I was out on a very, very hot date last night with a girl from HR, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Really? We don't have any girls from HR.
Michael Scott: No, that- For the sake of this story. And things were getting hot and heavy.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah?
Michael Scott: And I was about to take her bra off, when she had me fill out six hours' worth of paperwork.
Dwight K. Schrute: Like an AIDS test?
Michael Scott: No. God.

Michael Scott: This next award goes to somebody who really lights up the office. Somebody who I think a lot of us cannot keep from checking out. The Hottest in the Office Award goes to Ryan, the temp! Yeah! You sexy thing Sexy thing, you. Here you go. Hanging and a humming and a huh... Come from baby? There you go. There you go. Whoo.

Ryan: What am I gonna do with the award? Nothing. I don't know what I'm gonna do. That's the least of my concerns right now.

Michael Scott: And the Tight Ass Award goes to Angela. Not only because she is everybody's favorite stickler, but because she has a great caboose. So, come on down.
Angela: No.

Pam: I feel bad about what I wrote on the bathroom wall.
Jim: No, you don't.