Michael Scott: Andy, walk with me.
Andy: Will do, boss man.
Michael Scott: Oh. I do not have much time - car's all the way over there - to tell you what I have to tell you. And just bear in mind that when I say, say these things that are bad things that you hear in your ears, this is something that I, if I were you, that I wouldn't want to hear.
Andy: You're not making any sense.
Michael Scott: Well, no, I'm not. So I- So I'm not very articulate today, so I'll just leave it for another time. Another day.
Andy: All righty.
Michael Scott: Which shall be fine. I'm off.
Andy: Have a good meeting. Kick Wallace's ass.
Michael Scott: Okay, I will. Dwight and Angela are having an affair, so.
Andy: I can't hear you through the glass.
Michael Scott: [winds window down] Dwight and Angela are having an affair. They've been sleeping together for some time. That was the news. I wanted to let you know.
Andy: What?
Michael Scott: All right. See you later.
Andy: Are you serious?
Michael Scott: Yep!

Meredith: I knew something bad was gonna happen today.
Oscar: You said that yesterday.
Meredith: Yeah, my neighbor got murdered.

Dwight K. Schrute: So what weapon?
Andy: My bare hands.
Dwight K. Schrute: That is stupid. I will use a sword, and I will cut off your bare hands.
Andy: Then I'll get something too.

Pam: Angela, you have to put a stop to this right now.
Angela: I will respect the results of the duel.
Pam: Of course you will.
Meredith: I call loser.

Michael Scott: So I was in the office, and I look over to our accounting division, and there is Kevin Malone. Kevin is wearing a jacket that I've never seen before. And I call over to Kevin, "Kevin? "Is that a tweed jacket?" And he looks at me and he says, "Michael, yes, it is a tweed jacket." And I look back at him and I say, "I feel the need The need for tweed."
David: It's hard to try and evaluate yourself, but I appreciate you trying. And thanks for coming in.
Michael Scott: Have to say, I am so impressed with the potential you see in me.
David: Yeah.
[Michael sits back down to eat his lunch]
David: Yeah, finish up.

Angela: I can't believe they're gonna fight over me.
Kelly: I guess people have fewer choices as they get older.

Dwight K. Schrute: "From the desk of Andrew Bernard." A note. Pathetic. "Dear Dwight, by now you have received my note. How are you? I am well. You are no doubt wondering why I have left this note. It's come to my attention that in any physical match with you, I would surely be bested." True. "The soft underbelly of my refined upbringing is my soft underbelly."
Kelly: There's Andy. He's in his car. You guys, what is he doing?
Phyllis: Why isn't Dwight turning around?
Oscar: The Prius is silent if he keeps it under five miles per hour. He deserves the win.
Dwight K. Schrute: "At last, after much consideration"-
Pam: Oh, my God!
Stanley: What's happening?
Phyllis: Andy's running over Dwight with his car.

Dwight K. Schrute: [hitting Andy's Prius] Ooh. How much is this gonna cost? What? Trust fund'll take care of that.
Andy: What did you say? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.
Dwight K. Schrute: I said-
Andy: [car horn] What? You stupid idiot! You're like a sasquatch. You live in the woods.
Dwight K. Schrute: Sasquatches are the strongest animal on the planet! So fine, call me a sasquatch.
Andy: I don't get it. How could she be sleeping with you this whole time and only sleep with me twice?
Dwight K. Schrute: What?
Andy: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: She's sleeping with you?
Andy: I'm her fiance.
Dwight K. Schrute: She said she was only sleeping with me.

Michael Scott: Wow. What a day! I thought I was gonna get chewed out. But hold on! Here's an attaboy for you. What? Roller-coaster ride. Roller-coaster. Just goes to show, you leave Scranton, exciting things can happen.

David: Here's the thing. Michael is doing something right. And in this economic climate, no method of success can be ignored. It's not really a time for executives to start getting judgmental now. It's Hail Mary time.
Michael Scott: Hey, what say we order up some pasta?
David: What say we do.