‘The Delivery’
Season 6, Episode 17 - Aired March 4, 2010
When Pam's contractions start at the office, she vows not to leave for the hospital until midnight. As the contractions get closer and Pam is still unwilling to go, Jim realizes she's afraid of giving birth. Meanwhile, Dwight seeks out Angela for a "business" proposal.
Later, with Pam and Jim at the hospital, Dwight does some renovation work on their house, and Michael attempts to play matchmaker at the office.
Quote from Michael Scott
Erin: I'm so sorry if I gave you the impression I'm into Kevin, but I'm not. I like Andy.
Michael Scott: Okay. This is going to kill Kevin.
Erin: I'm sure he'll be fine.
Michael Scott: I'm not so sure. Kevin has an enormous heart. Literally, he has an elephant heart. He had a transplant when he was seventeen. Had some problems, blah blah blah.
Erin: Really?
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: No, Kevin doesn't have an elephant heart. But he is very sensitive. And it won't kill Erin just to go and have lunch with him in the break room like I promised him. I bet his heart is enlarged, though.
Quote from Kelly
Kelly: Did you know that labor can last weeks? Then they take your insides out and they just plop them on a table, and sometimes epidurals don't work, and you can poop yourself.
Quote from Pam
Pam: Wait, wait. My iPod's not in here!
Jim: Okay.
Pam: It has the birth song on it!
Jim: Okay. I know, I know. But my iPod is in the go bag. We'll be fine.
Pam: Jim, I don't want the first thing the baby hears to be the 8 Mile soundtrack.
Quote from Andy
Andy: Hey, have you guys seen her?
Meredith: She hasn't popped yet.
Andy: What? God damn it. She was supposed to come out yesterday.
[later, today:]
Andy: I decided to give baby Halpert a newspaper from the day she was born. This frame set me back fifty five bones. But she decided to take her sweet time, so now I have to switch it with today's paper. [Andy holds up today's newspaper with a report about the "Scranton Strangler"]
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: Pam, Pam! Okay, alright, okay, it's time. Time to go to the hospital. Somebody get Jim, please! Is it midnight yet?
Phyllis: No, it's 4:35.
Michael Scott: 4:35. Alright, almost made it. Almost made it. Too bad you didn't have sex like seven and a half hours later. But you had to have the afternoon delight. I understand. Sometimes you have to go for it. Let's go to the hospital, shall we?
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: [holding Cecelia] Mm-hmm. Oh. Ooh, wow. Michael. Michael.
Jim: It's so weird, she was saying it just before you got here.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: [smoking a cigar] There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles, and find true love. And that is what I thought that Erin and Kevin were going to find today. I think I'm going to be sick.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Dwight K. Schrute: Bear my child.
Angela: Excuse me?
Dwight K. Schrute: I want to have a child for business reasons and I want you to be the mother. If you agree, say nothing. If you disagree, say anything. ... Very well. Let's meet at 4:00 PM at our old meeting spot and bang it out.
Quote from Jim
Jim: So, the plan was seven minutes. But we're calling an audible, because that's her call. Because she's the quarterback. I'm just the left tackle who happened to get her pregnant.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: Um, I am sort of a master of distraction. When I was a kid, my mom received compliments left and right from my teachers on how I was always able to distract others in class. Try to think, what were the first thirteen colonies? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. [Michael covers his mouth with his hands and makes fart noises.]