Dwight K. Schrute: So much of this is just impossible to verify. Item five, point B, uh, the beet juice cleanse?
Angela: I'm doing it. You know I am. It's disgusting.
Dwight K. Schrute: How do we know this? I'd like to see a stool sample.
Angela: Dwight, look at my teeth. [Angela's teeth are all stained red]
Dwight K. Schrute: Eugh.

Pam: Hey, Michael.
Michael Scott: Hey.
Pam: We were wondering if you would like to have dinner with us tonight, in our home, and play with our baby.
Jim: We can order in from Hooters.
Michael Scott: Oh, Hooters to go. Nice.
Pam: We can watch a movie and play Rock Band.
Jim: Billy Joel Rock Band.
Michael Scott: That... exists?
Pam: Yes.
Michael Scott: Okay, well, I'll have to take a rain check, but thanks for the offer.

Pam: [shouts] Michael Scott, are you still seeing Donna?
Michael Scott: Okay, Pam, she's not invisible so stop asking silly questions.
Phyllis: Oh, Michael.
Michael Scott: Since when is this an office where we delve into each other's personal lives?

Michael Scott: I like Donna. Is it wrong to keep seeing her? Depends on who you ask. I mean, if you ask her husband... or you took a random poll, yeah, it's wrong.

Michael Scott: People, this is Scranton. And many people consider that to be the Paris of northeastern Pennsylvania. And in Paris, it is rude for a woman to have less than four lovers.
Kelly: Eugh, Ryan, I do not want you hanging around Michael anymore.
Ryan: Okay.

Michael Scott: I will have you know that I asked Donna about this and she is fine with it. And just to be sure, I asked her again afterward. Same answer.
Andy: How does he feel about it?
Michael Scott: He is never gonna find out. He is a high school baseball coach. He wakes up early. He goes to bed early. Look at how long it took for him to find out. [points to Andy] It was right under his nose. I had to tell him.
Jim: Now you're just being hurtful.
Michael Scott: I'm sorry, it- Why is it okay for Stanley to cheat or for Phyllis to cheat...
Phyllis: Hey!
Michael Scott: On her diet! He's a sports guy. He's scummy. Dogfighting. Drugs. They spit.
Andy: Did Donna tell you that?
Michael Scott: Real Sports with Bryant "Gumball".

Andy: So you're just making a giant assumption. You don't even know the guy.
Michael Scott: You know what? You know what? I am declaring a moment of silence right now. Ten minutes of silence honoring Michael Jackson. Just sit there and think about Michael Jackson.

Michael Scott: Do you think this husband is a super sweet nice guy? Do you think he's an angel? I don't think so. Why is his wife going off and having a little something-something with me? There has to be a problem with him.
Andy: In any cheating movie, the person getting cheated on is the hero. You're Ali Larter, I'm Beyonce.
Michael Scott: I am Beyonce always.
Andy: Not this time.
Michael Scott: Yes, I am.

Michael Scott: That's him. That's him.
Andy: Where?
Michael Scott: Right there. The coach.
Andy: Stage right or stage left? I played bat boy in Damn Yankees.

Pam: You were supposed to be the lookout.
Jim: Yeah, well it's really warm in here. It's like a sleeping bag.