Pam: This was tough. I suggested we flip a coin but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course, by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her.

Michael Scott: These are my party-planning beeyatches. Pulled off an amazing '80s party last year. Off the hook! So I was thinking, if you haven't already got a cake maybe going for one of those ice-cream cakes from Baskin-Robbins. They're very good. Very delicious.
Angela: Meredith's allergic to dairy, so...
Michael Scott: She's not the only one that's gonna be eating it, right? I think everybody likes ice-cream cake. It's not- It's not just about her, so...
Pam: It is her birthday.
Michael Scott: Mint chocolate chip! Would be good. How about some mint chocolate chip?

Dwight K. Schrute: Did you get your tickets?
Jim: To what?
Dwight K. Schrute: The gun show.

Jim: At that moment, I was so happy. I mean, everything Dwight does annoys me. And I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him but only in ways that would get me arrested. And then here he comes and he says, "No, Jim, here's a way."

Pam: An alliance?
Jim: Oh, yeah.
Pam: What does that even mean?
Jim: I think it has something to do with Survivor, but I'm not sure. Um, I know that it involves spying on people and we may build a fort.

Michael Scott: Can you get her? She's right there. That is Meredith, the birthday girl. And this is Meredith's card.
"Happy Bird-Day!" Um, let's see. Jim. Jim wrote, "Meredith, I heard you're turning forty-six, but you're an accountant. Just fudge the numbers." Not bad. Pretty funny. I don't appreciate condoning corporate fraud though.

Jim: Wait, this isn't gonna work. The lid's open.
Dwight K. Schrute: So tape it down.
Jim: I can't do that. Then you won't be able to breathe.
Dwight K. Schrute: I can breathe just fine, okay? But if it makes you feel better, I'll poke holes in the box.

Michael Scott: You know what? Actually I have a bunch of these, good ones, that I didn't use. Um. Oh, where's that? Oh, okay. Here's a good one. "Hey, Meredith, Liz Taylor called. She wants her age back and her divorces back." 'cause Meredith's been divorced, like, twice. Is that right?
Meredith: You're right. You're right. Yes.
Michael Scott: Divorce. Um. Oh, okay. "Meredith is so old"-
Oscar: How old is she?
Michael Scott: If everybody could do it? "Meredith is so old"
All: How old is she?
Michael Scott: "She's so old she went into an antiques store and they kept her." That wasn't even mine. I got that off the internet. Website. Don't get mad at me.

Oscar: Nice party, Michael.
Michael Scott: This isn't my fault. Um, ladies, not your best effort. The streamers? I think we could have done better than that, don't you think?
Angela: Phyllis wanted red. I didn't.
Phyllis: Oh, boy, you-

Toby: Really? Today?
Ryan: Yeah.
Toby: Happy birthday.
Ryan: Thanks.
Toby: I could say something.
Ryan: Don't do that.