Jim: Andy? You all set?
Andy: Okay, guys, it's time. It's pep talk time. Tell me what I need to hear.
Phyllis: Are you sure this is a good idea? I hate to see you disappointed.
Andy: Ugh.

David Brent: [on video recording] Name? David Brent. Occupation? Inspirer. Status? None of your business. Young, free, and single, though. Thanks for asking. Hear you're looking for a new boss. Yeah? Someone to tell a bunch of discontented, under-encouraged drones what to do every day. Is that it? Oh. Our out-of-touch powers that be? Want me to fire them, if they don't see things your way? Then I ain't that dude. Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye. Get some other corporate suit to lay down the law. What? You've changed your mind? You're now looking for a leader of men? Ipso facto, women too. [points at self] When do I start? Yeah.
[Jim looks unimpressed]

Phyllis: If my daughter were asking me... [both giggle]
Erin: Yes?
Phyllis: I would say, if you want someone, if you really want them... go get them.
[aside to camera:]
Erin: I do really want him.

Darryl: The guy who was in here earlier, interviewed after me, how'd he do?
Jim: Howard Cline?
Darryl: Ehh, that's not who I'm talking about.
Jim: [checks sheet] Oh... DeShawn Williams.
Darryl: Yes. How did he do?
Jim: He's an amazing man. He's a Rhodes Scholar. He invented an app that invents apps. Fantastic kisser...
Darryl: Come on man. I'm being serious. Don't joke.
Jim: Darryl, we all know you. Your interview is not nearly as important as the other guys.

Jo: Jim! Did you hear Stern this morning?
Jim: No, was it good?
Jo: Oh, Robin was good. She's always good. Keeps him on his toes. Its Howard's show though.

Erin: Jo, you have one more candidate. He's a burn victim.
Jo: Huh?
Erin: [motions toward her face] He's all messed up. I can tell him to get lost if you want.

Jo: How'd my girl Nellie do?
Jim: Oh, I didn't know you knew her?
Jo: She didn't mention it?
Jim: No.
Jo: Integrity move. I like it.
Jim: You know, she also gave me a reason to think that maybe she wasn't a good fit.
Jo: Well, I'm not saying you must hire her. If you find someone who's clearly a fit, then fine. Just make sure they fit real good. No more manager turnover. Don't mess this up, Jim. And give Dwight an interview. I like a little bit of crazy.

Oscar: Erin, what are you doing?
Erin: I've been turned into a puppet!
Oscar: Okay. [walks away]
Kevin: Look at the puppet! Hi, puppet! Who are you?
Erin: I went to drop off the FedEx forms and an evil witch named Angela turned me into a puppet!
Kevin: [giggles] Yeah. Low blow, puppet.
Erin: And there's only one thing that can change me back into a real girl.
[aside to camera:]
Kevin: It's good. It's just that I wish the puppets would talk more about the alphabet. Not for me. But, if any kids are watching... A, B, and so forth. You know, M-N-L-O, P... F...

Erin: [as sock puppet] I need the most special thing in the office.
Dwight K. Schrute: Silence?
Erin: A date with the best salesman, Andy Bernard!
Andy: Hey, Erin.
Erin: [gets up] Oh.
Andy: Where'd you learn how to puppet like that?
Erin: [shrugs] I've done it all my life.
Andy: Listen, I'm really flattered, but I don't think we should.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: Erin's my best friend in this office, hands down, but... when she asked me out, I just didn't have that feeling, you know? ... Aren't there some things that you really want to like, but you just can't... seem to like it, like, Mad Men... or football... .... Let's not forget, Erin chose Gabe over me. That happened. I'm not going to apologize for getting over her, okay? I'm sorry. ... I would go for someone who's more... She's great, though.

Phyllis: Is it true that you're making Dwight the manager?
Jim: No, why would you think that?
Phyllis: Well, he and Kelly said, and then they pre-fired me.