Michael Scott: Alright. Then I guess I should give them out. Hold on. You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking that I have something that you want. You guys are acting like you own this place. And you don't. Not even Sabre owns this place. It's a rental. I'm kind of sick of the attitude around here. I'm sick of the cocky walk. I am sick of you throwing your paycheck in my face. I am sick of your uppity attitude, Jim. I think I am not going to give these to you. [Angela, Kevin and Oscar applaud]

Jim: Phew! Can't wait for this day to be over.
Kelly: Why?
Jim: Just all the drama.
Kelly: What drama?
Jim: Between the- Us and you guys. It's unnecessary, right?
Kelly: So unnecessary.
Jim: Oh, good, phew, thank god you said that.
Kelly: I mean, if the salesmen weren't acting like such a bunch of stuck-up losers, then this day wouldn't be so bad, did you ever think of that?
Jim: I have new baby pictures.
Kelly: Don't use your cute baby to make us like you.
Jim: She's wearing a onesie...

Michael Scott: Hey, Jim. Jim. Come here. Do you know who that is?
Jim: No.
Michael Scott: Look at him. Look at him. T-shirt, jeans...
Jim: Is he you?
Michael Scott: I am flattered. That's Johnny Depp.
Jim: Where did you take that?
Michael Scott: In my condo complex.
Jim: Oh my God, that's right. I read in People magazine that he was looking for a two-bedroom condo in Scranton.
Michael Scott: I am flipping out, man. I mean, you remember my idea for the fourth Pirates movie.
Jim: Sure. That they should do one.
Michael Scott: [pirate accent] Hey, Jim. Jim, where- Where do I find the Black Pearl?
Jim: Who's that?
Michael Scott: Captain Jack Sparrow. Captain Jack Sparrow, Jim.
Jim: John Dillinger.
Michael Scott: No. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.
Jim: Captain Crunch.
Michael Scott: Okay, okay. Screw you, Halpert. You know, it's not easy getting excited about stuff. Remember how you felt when you thought you'd seen Roger Clemens?
Jim: At the Yankees game. Yeah.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Well, it wasn't him.
Jim: I had a little better reason to believe that... You're right. You're right. Well, you're not right, because Johnny Depp...
Michael Scott: I know, I know.
Jim: ...in your condo complex.
Michael Scott: I know! It also explains why the name on his mailbox was M. Shulman.
Jim: M. Night Shulman?

Phyllis: But is there anything relevant to the sales staff here?
Michael Scott: No sales topic per se.
Andy: Well then no Andy Bernard per se.

Michael Scott: Wow, wowie wowie. Congratulations. It's a big check. [Jim stands in the corner, texting]
Jim: Oh, sorry, wait one second.
Michael Scott: Stop sexting Pam. I'm trying to congratulate you.

Michael Scott: The sales department smashed my sandwich?
Darryl: Yes. All of 'em. Together. It's a conspiracy. Listen to me, Mike, you gotta do something about them.
Michael Scott: You don't get it.
Darryl: You need to get back on top.
Michael & Darryl: That's what she said.
Darryl: Yeah.

Jim: What'd you get?
Michael Scott: Ah, just the stupid leads.
Jim: Alright!
Stanley: About time.
Andy: Me likey!
Phyllis: Finally, Michael. Hand 'em over, numb nuts. [Michael stares at her incredulously] But seriously. It's your job to give us those leads.

Michael Scott: Hello. May I have everyone's attention, please? Gabe has instructed me to hand out the leads, so I'm going to give the leads to... King Creed!
Phyllis: What are you-
Michael Scott: And to King Meredith!
Stanley: They aren't salespeople!
Michael Scott: And to King Angela! Because today we are all kings. And queens.

Angela: Oh, how the tables have turned. I see you got my e-mail.
Phyllis: Are you gonna give me the leads or not?
Angela: I'll give you the leads. But you know what? It's going to cost you some clerical work [hands Phyllis a mountain of paperwork].
Phyllis: What are these for?
Angela: It doesn't matter. Fill them out. All of them. Then when you're done, you can watch me shred them.

Michael Scott: Today I turned an office crisis into a teachable moment. A lesser manager would have screwed this day up royally. I can imagine some yokel sitting behind his desk saying take a lead, learn nothing. Some people shouldn't be in this business.