Jim: Uh, these aren't leads. What are they?
Michael Scott: Oh, right, those are clues. And within each clue is a lesson. You learn a lesson, and then you find a lead. The leads are scattered all over the industrial park. I am trying to make your kids respect you. Because a father needs to respect his boss, and kids don't respect the father who doesn't respect the boss. Do you understand that line of logic?
Jim: I don't think you understand -
Michael Scott: I do understand it.
Jim: This one's a map.
Michael Scott: Or is it?

Pam: [on phone] Hey baby, what's up?
Jim: I am currently reading incoherent riddles on blue index cards to find vital information that Michael has hidden all over the office. How are you?
Pam: Nothing but vomit and diapers over here.
Jim: Oh my god, I couldn't envy you more.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Having a baby is as exhausting as they say it is. Having two babies [holds up index cards], that's just unfair.

Jim: How about this one: "When arrogant salesmen are mean to my face, a certain manager will go to his moppy place."
Pam: He means his mopey place. It's under that streetlamp that he thinks was in Casablanca.
Jim: I love you.

Michael Scott: You know, Dwight, there was a time when you'd be pinching yourself to have the opportunity to look through a dump with me.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, well, the acorn becomes the oak.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Sometimes the acorn just stays the acorn. If you don't believe me, look in my gutters.

Michael Scott: You've changed, man.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, why, because I have a shot at a $100k commission?
Michael Scott: Since when do you care about money? When I first met you, you were a wide-eyed innocent.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey. There is nothing I can do about my wide-set eyes.

Dwight K. Schrute: When I first met you, I had a lot of job offers. And I had an offer from Ivan Schartsky. The Ivan Schartsky. And if I'd assistant managed him-
Michael Scott: Assistant to the managed him-
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, that's low! I would be number two right now at Home Depot!
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay? Because they promote from within. Instead I had to follow you. You're going nowhere.
Michael Scott: You think you would have done better without me? Really?
Dwight K. Schrute: I hitched my wagon to a horse with no legs.

Dwight K. Schrute: [at the dump] Wow. Amazing, isn't it. No other animal on earth could do this. Maybe beavers. But not like this.

Oscar: Way to go, guys. This was an integrity move.
Kevin: Yeah. When we walked in here, we were all prepared to tell you to go to hell.
Angela: Do you have any pastries without fruit?
Jim: Yes, we do. Eclairs.
Stanley: [entering room] Well, you better be happy, taking two percent of our-
Jim: -two percent milk! What I forgot for the coffee.
Phyllis: Our treats, Stanley, they've accepted our simple offer of treats. Nothing more.
Stanley: [beams] This is nice! [pats Oscar's shoulder] All of us back together.

Kelly: I want to watch the Kardashians! I don't want to watch boring-
Ryan: It's my-
Stanley: The Kardashians is a good show.
Ryan: No it's- How would he even know the Kardashians?
Kelly: It's about a family. A real-life family.
Ryan: No, Stanley, do you-

Jim: Alright. Then we're back to cash. And I got to say, if giving a small percentage of our commissions is going to smooth all this over, I'm for it.
Phyllis: Okay, fine. Cash it is.
Andy: Erin just texted me back. 'People love shells from far-away beaches".