Mark: Nothing to see here! Boss at work. This will be your desk. Right up front. Best seat on the roller coaster, you must be this tall to ride this ride. No pregnant women allowed. Are you? Uh, yeah I don't- I'm not allowed to ask. So...
Pam: I am not pr-
Mark: You're not.
Pam: Pregnant, no.
Mark: I didn't ask her if she was pregnant. She just offered it. The last three girls here all got pregnant.
Pam: Wow.
Mark: Don't be afraid, it's a different chair. I don't want a guy up here. I want to you know, see a woman come in and do a great job. Something that, I have to look out this window, I want someone-
Pam: I'm sorry I thought this job was for the position of office manager.
Mark: It is. Yeah, you would, uh, manage this office. Answer the phones and forward the calls and uh you know, go for a coffee run now and again.
Pam: So, kinda like a receptionist.
Mark: Yeah, like a receptionist, but we call you the office manager because, uh, it's less demeaning. By the way, how long are these, uh, cameras gonna be following you around? Because I think this is pretty cool. [whistles] Pretty pretty cool. Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm. Do you like that show?
Pam: Yes.
Mark: Well, I think they indulge themselves a little too much. I like scripted.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: I spent 10 years as a receptionist, to Michael Scott. And I have kids now. And I just, I can't.

Creed: Hey, Erin, look who's back. The bird man.
Gabe: Hello beautiful.
Kevin: Didn't you two used to do it?
Gabe: We absolutely did. Thank you for remembering that.

Gabe: You know, times were tough. I was unemployed, I was still heart-broken over you, I've lost a good fifty pounds. But as you can see I put all that weight right back on. Feel how fat my buttocks are. Yeah, it's crazy. Touch it. It's like a warm pumpkin.
Erin: So Andy just called you up out of the blue?
Gabe: Yeah. He told me you two broke up.
Erin: Yeah.
Gabe: You must be pretty horny.

Shirley: I feel like a show pony.
Dwight K. Schrute: And you look like one, too. Thank you, Angela.
Angela: You're welcome. Would you like some stew?
Dwight K. Schrute: By all means. And I will carve the roast skunk. Angela? Would you like the stink sack?
Angela: Is it any good?
Dwight K. Schrute: No, you don't eat it. It's a toy, like a wish bone. You know, prettiest girl gets the stink sack.
Angela: Thank you.
Shirley: So, when's the wedding?
Angela: Um, actually uh, we are just friends.
Shirley: That's what Mose said about his lady scarecrow and look what he did to that poor thing.

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. Well, gosh. Thank you for your help today. Your perspective was very useful. Thank you.
Angela: It was not an unpleasant way to spend an afternoon. [They shake hands. Then kiss] Dwight, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Right. Not outside. The horseflies. You know what? My farm is only a few acres east of here. Or, we could use the slaughterhouse.
Angela: No, Dwight. The Senator.
Dwight K. Schrute: Leave him. He probably won't even notice that you're gone. Be with me, Monkey.
Angela: I can't be your monkey, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not talking about some frisky romp in the warehouse. We have wasted too much of our lives ignoring the fact that we belong together. The eighty or ninety years that I have left in this life... I want to spend with you.
Angela: I made a vow. I gave my word.
Dwight K. Schrute: Stand by your man. It's what I would want if you were mine.
Angela: Good night, D.

Erin: Hey, Andy, is this at all work related?
Andy: We'll get to that. Gabe, did Erin ever tell you that she loves you?
Gabe: [laughs] Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. She wouldn't even let me say it. It was adorable. She would plug her ears and scream her heart out.
Erin: Gabe, can you stop talking? 'cause every word out of your mouth is like the squawk of an ugly pelican.
Gabe: I got a tattoo for you.
Erin: I didn't ask you to get that Nike Swoosh. Nobody did! You did that for you!
Gabe: Just do it. You were the it that I was just doing.

Pam: So, imagine like the real estate version of Michael Scott and that was this guy. He did half the interview as Ace Ventura.
Jim: Tell me about the cologne. How much?
Pam: Oh, uh, entire bottle. At least.
Jim: You're definitely hoarding this by the way.
Pam: Guess what poster he had on his wall?
Jim: ... Austin Powers.
Pam: Nuh-uh.
Jim: Ferris Bueller.
Pam: Nuh-uh. You're getting colder.
Jim: Not Night at the Roxbury.
Pam: [laughs] No. The Odd Life of Timothy Green.
Jim: I'm sorry, how did you think I was expected to guess that?
Pam: I don't know, but it's interesting right?
Jim: It's fascinating.
Pam: He said he can't help but tear up when he looks at it. It's like right next to his desk. He must look at it twenty times a day.

Oscar: I watch way too many ads online and I don't do enough situps. So I bought these. Now, every time an ad pops up online, I get 30 seconds of ab blasting. I call it Ads for Abs. Ironically, I learned about the boots from an ad online.

Pam: Oh my gosh, is that champagne?
Jim: Si, senor.
Pam: Oh, Jim I should have told you I didn't get the job.
Jim: Oh man. I'm so sorry. Are you alright?
Pam: Oh, yeah. I'm more than alright. There's just nothing to celebrate.
Jim: Are you kidding? We're in Philly. We're having dinner together. And this is just consolation champagne. It's from the part of France that immediately gave up to the Nazis. Here.
Pam: [laughs] You're very quick on your feet. I remember you. Funny.

Gabe: What kind of music are you into, Peter?
Pete: Uh, I like all kinds of music, Gabe.
Gabe: Really? All kinds? So you like songs of hate written by the white knights of the Ku Klux Klan?
Pete: No!
Gabe: Erin, are you even hearing this?
Erin: Gabe, he didn't even say that.