Michael Scott: Okay, why don't you throw the ball to somebody else?
Stanley: Nope.
Michael Scott: Oh, yes, Stanley, come on. Your turn. You have to go.
Stanley: I will not.

Michael Scott: The guy who had my job has died and nobody cares! And he sat at my desk.
Toby: Michael, look, I know this is hard for you, but death's just a part of life. I mean, just this morning I saw a little bird fly into the glass doors downstairs and die and I had to keep going-
Michael Scott: How do you know?
Toby: What?
Michael Scott: That that bird was dead? Did you check its breathing?
Toby: It was obvious.
Michael Scott: Was its heart beating? Toby, did you check it? No, of course you didn't. You're not a veterinarian! You don't know anything!

Michael Scott: Attention, everybody. This will only take a second of your time. Today at 4:00 p.m. We will be meeting in the parking lot to have a funeral service for this bird.
Meredith: I have a lot of work to do.
Michael Scott: Well, I'm sorry to inconvenience you, Meredith, but that is what you do when things die. You honor them. Toby killed this bird and now we are going to honor it.
Angela: But-
Michael Scott: No! No! No! That's enough! You know what? This bird is dead. He died alone. The least you can do is be there for him now. Find a box for him.

Karen: I'm calling a supermarket in Montreal.
Jim: Nice.
Karen: [on the phone] Bonjour. Je cherche des chips de la marque Herr's. Non? Ah... merci quand meme. Au revoir. [to Jim] Nope.
Jim: Sounded good.

[Kelly is sobbing]
Michael Scott: It's okay. It's okay. Yes, I know, I know. It's been a tough day, but it's good to let it show.
Kelly: I mean, how many times do I have to confirm plans with Ryan for him to know that we have a date tonight?

Pam: Did I wake up this morning thinking I'd be throwing together a bird funeral? You never can tell what your day here is gonna turn into.

Karen: Where'd you find them?
Jim: Where'd I find what?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: I called the manufacturer, who referred me to the distributor, who referred me to the vending machine company, who told me that they sell them in the machines in the building next door.

Dwight K. Schrute: Guys, get a broom, let's clean this up. Grab a broom, you heard me. Mush!