Michael Scott: Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There's such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.

Ryan: When I was five, my mom told me that my fish went to the hospital in the toilet and it never came back, so we had a funeral for it. And I remember thinking, "I'm a little too old for this." And I was five.

Michael Scott: Well, I'll be in my office in case anybody wants to drop by, cheer me up.

Michael Scott: So, did you hear the news?
Pam: The news that you just announced, that Ed died?
Michael Scott: Yeah.

Josh: What's going on with Fairfield County Schools? Karen, did you generate that price list?
Karen: Shoot. I will. I'm sorry.
Josh: Okay, just get it done. Jim, will you make sure?
Jim: Oh, yeah, definitely.
Andy: [coughing] Suck up! Josh, did you hear what I said?

Dwight K. Schrute: Hey.
Angela: Hi.
Dwight K. Schrute: If my head ever comes off, I would like you to put it on ice.

Jan: What the hell are you two talking about?
Michael Scott: Well, we are talking about how to properly honor a man who gave his life as regional manager of this company, Jan.
Jan: You know what, Michael? I've really tried with you today-
Michael Scott: Mm hm.
Jan: and I have to get back to work.
Michael Scott: Oh do you? You know who wished they could get back to work is Ed Truck.
Jim: So call me when you feel like having a real conversation.
Michael Scott: But Ed truck can't because he is-
Jan: Goodbye. [hangs up]
Michael Scott: Dead!

Andy: What are we doing? What's the game? I want in.
Jim: Oh, there's no game. We're just trying to get these chips for Karen.
Andy: Did you check the vending machine?
Karen: Oh, the vending machines. How did we miss that?
Jim: I have no idea. We went right for the copier. And then we checked the fax machine.
Karen: Yeah, nothing there.
Andy: Did you check your butt?

Roy: How are you liking the new car?
Pam: Great.
Roy: Yeah? It sure is small. Got air bags?
Pam: I think so. I don't know. I was mainly focused on the cup-holders.

Jim: Hi, yeah. This is Mike from the West Side Market. Well, we had a shipment of Herr's Salt & Vinegar Chips and we ordered that about three weeks ago and haven't- Yeah. You have them in the warehouse? Great. What is my store number? Six. [Karen laughs] What? No. I'll call you back.
Karen: Shut up. Six?