Kevin: I am totally gonna bang Holly! She is cute and helpful, and she really seems into me.

Phyllis: Hello, Angela.
Angela: Phyllis, you look like you're gonna have a heart attack.
Phyllis: Could I get a list of your vendors?
Angela: I shredded it.
Phyllis: Why would you do that?
Angela: Gosh, I just don't know. Why do you think?
Phyllis: [knocks Angela's books off her desk] Sorry.

Toby: What'd you guys do?
Michael Scott: Oh, there he is. Thought you had gone home already. Why don't you go home and come back for the party?
Toby: Well, we still have to do the exit interview.
Michael Scott: Yes, we do.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: I'll let you in on a little secret. I've been looking forward to this moment. Very, very much. I I have been steeped in anticipation. Toby has been cruisin' for a bruisin' for 12 years, and I am now his cruise director.
And my name is captain Bruisin'.

Michael Scott: Okay, you know what that is? You know what that is? That is a psyche. Psyche. So, that is not my real gift to Toby.
Pam: So what is your gift?
Michael Scott: My gift is forthcoming, Pam.
Pam: What is it?
Michael Scott: I am going to give Toby...
Pam: Your watch?
Michael Scott: [quietly] Yes, I am. That was it. How did you know that?
Pam: I just knew.
Michael Scott: How did you know?
Holly: Oh, that is so sweet.
Michael Scott: Well... That's my watch.
Toby: Thanks. I'm gonna set it to Costa Rica time.

Pam: Is Jim gonna propose tonight? He is, isn't he? No, he's not. Is he?

Dwight K. Schrute: It's not rabid.
Meredith: Thanks for bringing that up.

Michael Scott: All right. Let's hear it for Darryl and his band. You know what? Let's also give a shout out to Phyllis for this awesome party, huh? Probably the best one that we have ever had, right? But the real reason that we are here is to say good-bye to a guy who we will probably never ever see again. Now, a lot of you know that I am an accomplished songwriter.
Pam: Song parody writer.
Michael Scott: I have done things like "Beers in Heaven".
Jim: Classic.
Michael Scott: Or "Total Eclipse of The Fart."
Jim: Not my favorite, but-
Pam: I like that one.
Michael Scott: I love to sing them, but I am not going to be doing that today. I am going to be doing something I wrote specifically for Toby. Do you know, um, Goodbye Stranger, Supertramp?

Michael Scott: [singing to the tune of "Goodbye, Stranger" by Supertramp] It was early morning yesterday I was up before the dawn and I really have enjoyed my stay but Toby must be moving on Goodbye, Toby it's been nice hope you find your paradise Come tomorrow feel no pain Feel no pain Toby! Toby! Tobee-yy! Toby's goin' away! See ya! He's outta here! See ya! He's outta here! Ohh! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Tooo-by!

Michael Scott: Wow! I can't believe it! Look at you! Are you nauseous?
Jan: No.
Michael Scott: Do you- Do you have cravings? You never touched my Propecia or my Accutane?
Jan: No, I didn't touch that.
Michael Scott: Good. Thank god. 'Cause that's- Wow, I'm so happy. I am so deliriously happy.
Jan: Why?
Michael Scott: Because you're pregnant. And because it obviously happened when we were together, and I am very proud-
Jan: Yeah, it did happen when we were together. That's true. But you are not- You're not the dad.
Michael Scott: You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?
Jan: No, I did not I did not cheat on you. I did not.
Michael Scott: Well, okay. Okay. So it's not mine, and it's not somebody else's, so I know the whole toilet seat thing is a myth, so-
Jan: I went to a sperm bank.
Michael Scott: You did? When we were going out?
Jan: Yeah.
Michael Scott: I don't understand. You always used to be very cautious. I'd wear two condoms.
Jan: I know.
Michael Scott: You'd rather have somebody else's sperm than mine?
Jan: No, no, no. It's not just any sperm bank. I mean, it's really- This is a really, really great place. It's amazing, actually. I'm gonna bring you the catalog. You should look through it. It's- And it's a fact, it's right next to that little breakfast place that you like in the city where you can draw on the tables.
Michael Scott: Ihop.
Jan: Ihop.

Jan: If I was 22 and I had lots of time to have lots of children, then sure, let's let Michael have a shot at one. But honestly, I need to make this one count.