Jan Quote #51
Quote from Jan in Goodbye, Toby
Michael Scott: Wow! I can't believe it! Look at you! Are you nauseous?
Jan: No.
Michael Scott: Do you- Do you have cravings? You never touched my Propecia or my Accutane?
Jan: No, I didn't touch that.
Michael Scott: Good. Thank god. 'Cause that's- Wow, I'm so happy. I am so deliriously happy.
Jan: Why?
Michael Scott: Because you're pregnant. And because it obviously happened when we were together, and I am very proud-
Jan: Yeah, it did happen when we were together. That's true. But you are not- You're not the dad.
Michael Scott: You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?
Jan: No, I did not I did not cheat on you. I did not.
Michael Scott: Well, okay. Okay. So it's not mine, and it's not somebody else's, so I know the whole toilet seat thing is a myth, so-
Jan: I went to a sperm bank.
Michael Scott: You did? When we were going out?
Jan: Yeah.
Michael Scott: I don't understand. You always used to be very cautious. I'd wear two condoms.
Jan: I know.
Michael Scott: You'd rather have somebody else's sperm than mine?
Jan: No, no, no. It's not just any sperm bank. I mean, it's really- This is a really, really great place. It's amazing, actually. I'm gonna bring you the catalog. You should look through it. It's- And it's a fact, it's right next to that little breakfast place that you like in the city where you can draw on the tables.
Michael Scott: Ihop.
Jan: Ihop.
The Office Quotes
‘Goodbye, Toby’ Quotes
Quote from Jim
Dwight K. Schrute: [answering cell phone] Hello, this is Dwight Schrute. Hello?
Jim: [on headset] Hello, this is Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hello? Hello?
Jim: Yes, we do have that. Hold on one second.
Dwight K. Schrute: Jim, what are you doing?
Jim: And how many would you like?
Dwight K. Schrute: Hang that up right now.
Jim: Absolutely. I can get that out to you immediately.
Dwight K. Schrute: This man is an imposter. Don't do business with him, this is not Dwight Schrute.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Dwight left his cell phone on his desk. So, naturally, I paired it to my headset.
Quote from Oscar
Oscar: Well, this is what happened. Ryan's big project was the web site, which wasn't doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice. Once as office sales, and once as web site sales. Which is what we refer to in the business as misleading the shareholders. Another good term is fraud. The real crime, I think, was the beard.
Quote from Kelly
Kelly: I cannot wait to visit Ryan in prison. I'm gonna wear my hottest track suit and get my hair done. And then be, like, "Hi, Ryan." And then all the other prisoners are gonna be like, "Damn! Ryan, you got a hot ex-girlfriend. Ooh, I would never have treated her so bad when I was outside of prison."